Not Your Buddy
Suzanne Hadley

'...Dr. Reeve writes: "One party can selfishly enjoy all the benefits of a relationship, the warmth and relief from loneliness, the satisfaction of the attention that feeds the ego � all without the accompanying commitment. One party luxuriates, while the other party feels cheated and is left with deep unsatisfied longings."

'I've recently observed several non-dating relationships that seem to fall into the "intimate friends" category. In every case, it is the woman who is paying the price emotionally. Why? When a guy starts investing his heart, he can do something about it by making a move. And if the girl rejects him, the friendship ends or changes significantly. A woman, however, can hang on in this kind of relationship indefinitely, hoping the guy will eventually share her feelings. She makes herself available to him as a "friend," all the while hoping the friendship will blossom into something more.

'Unfortunately, even if the guy senses the woman's interest, like my friend Brad, he has not made a direct offer to her and therefore feels no obligation to clear up the matter. Maybe we could chalk that up to communication differences between men and women: a man may be oblivious to unspoken signs that he has been placed in the "future husband" category. What he may be viewing as an innocent dinner, she sees as an indication that the friendship is developing into more. But men should assume that if a woman is spending a lot of time with him, she is interested and she is investing her emotions. (I suspect men realize this more often than they'll admit, but hold onto these ego-boosting relationships anyway.)

'Women, on the other hand, need to assume less. A woman should not assume that a guy friend she's spending time with is: a) just too shy to make a move; b) thinking she's the woman of his dreams but the timing isn't right; c) in denial of God's will that they be together.

'We get it. A woman loves to read into a guy's every action. That's her relational crime. But the guy does her a disservice by allowing her to be his "buddy girl" � a female friend who provides the relational benefits without the commitment...

'Men and women who find themselves in a dead-end friendship, should take responsibility. A woman is responsible to be wise with her heart. Solomon said, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). If a woman feels her heart longing for a man who's not pursuing her, indulging those feelings is unwise.'

An amazing article from the webzine Boundless (http://www.boundless.org). I totally saw myself reflected in a lot of things in the article. There are two guys that I sort of like that I'm wishing for, if not pursuing, an "intimate friendship" with and I need to QUIT IT because I know my true motives. I want one of them to like me too.

Oh, I've a head full of dreams, that's certain... Maybe I shouldn't be reading Pride and Prejudice. :)

Romance......

If you want to read the rest of the article--which I HIGHLY recommend you do--here's the link: Not Your Buddy. It's not just a girl-directed article. I think it's a good read for any single person. Tell me what you think.

-Stephanie

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