I think my mind's on overload. I just had a long talk with my sister. I learned a whole lot and said a whole little. There are still some things I really, really wish I could change her mind about--like her opinion of Grandpa. Yeah, Grandpa's strict. Yeah, he's traditional. But he's not to be blamed for that! Each of us has our own story. Each of us IS a story. God makes us a certain way--that's our personality. God puts us in different situations--that's our history. We're shaped by the two of them together. I just wish I could make Sam understand that! Grandpa is not completely wrong because he grew up in a different living situation and was given a different personality than Sam. I am not completely wrong because my personality made me choose to hang out with my family more than my friends. And, you know what? Sam is not completely wrong because her personality made her choose to hang out with her friends more than her family.

Friend choice is another factor. CHOICE is a factor. In fact, it's probably THE major factor. I don't know my grandpa's history as well as I know my own. I know that when faced with choosing to believe that what the church and my family told me was wrong over believing that what the church and my family told me was right, I chose to believe that what the church and my family told me was right. I know that when faced with the choice between the familiar and the different, I always chose the familiar. Okay? That's not bad. Sam always chose the different. That's not bad. To those of us who choose the familiar, it seems "wrong", but it really isn't. CHOICE. Free will. We can make whatever choices we want to make. The choices given to us are NOT our choice. For instance, I grew up in a small, white, middle-class family in a small, white, middle-class town. It was never a choice for me to choose between gang members or church members. I didn't grow up around gang members. Our choice was to choose church members or nonchurch members, upper middle class or lower middle class, girl friends or guy friends. I chose upper middle class, churchgoing girl friends. Sam chose lower middle class, nonchurchgoing guy friends. We've ended up in different situations. That's all. IT'S NOT BAD.

Anyway... I should stop ranting. I've been doing a lot of that recently.

There are SO many things that go into the mix. I wonder where Sam and I would be in our lives if we had grown up in an ethnically and religiously diverse place. What choices would she have made? What choices would I have made? Would we be more different or less different? What if my parents had stayed together? What if we had never moved next door to my grandparents? What if, what if, what if. See, we can never know the what ifs. It's way more humbling than it is anything else, to me.

Other people may choose differently. :)

-Stephanie

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