What does it mean? What does "love" mean? What is it? What defines it? What are characteristics of it? I want to understand love.

A prayer journal entry on love:

"In the synagogue there was a man who had the spirit of an unclean demon, and he cried out with a loud voice, 'Let us alone! What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are, the Holy One of God.' But Jesus rebuked him, saying, 'Be silent, and come out of him!'" Luke 4:31-35a, NRSV

What do you have to do with us?
I wonder why the demon said that. Or how he said it. Was it arrogantly? Was it fearfully? Was it defiantly? Or was he really questioning? And if he was, what answer was he looking for?

And of course, I wonder why Jesus didn't want them to say who he was. Thta's just one of the most perplexing questions! I think it might have been because he knew how people would react if they did think he might be God in person. Or the Messiah. They might reject him too early on, and he'd lose too many souls. Or they might have way too high expectations of him. Or they might have been terrified.

I wodner why Jesus started performing miracles at all? Isn't that a rather obvious way of saying, "Here I am, the one you've been waiting for!"? But he wasn't looking for publicity... Was he?

You know, maybe he started doing them because he really did care about the people he was helping. Maybe he was so overwhelmed with love that he couldn't not help them.

It's weird to think of Jesus as "overwhelmed with love." Why? I guess just 'cause I always thought of him as this amazing leader-type guy who never acts on emotion, but always on practicality, if that's a word. But if he was trying to lie low for a while, that certainly wasn't practical.

If God is love, Jesus is love. And the Holy Spirit is love. That's a relief, because the Holy Spirit is supposed to be our guide. I'd much rather be guided by love and not strictly pragmatics.

But Jesus is love. I wonder why that's so hard to get my mind around? His self-sacrifice was the ultimate act of love, I know, but I guess I always thought of it as something he did out of duty. I can't imagine dying willingly out of love... Duty, yes. I coudl definitely die for someone out of duty. But love? Wow. That's some pretty incredible love...

Even though I've matured in my understanding of love, I know it's still not a mature understanding. Love is still warm and fuzzy for me, even though it's come that far, at least, from... whatever my old definition was...

You know what, I don't think I understood love. I don't think I had any understanding at all of it. They'd tell me to love God, but I didn't know how to do that. And I think I knew that, really.

I really don't think I had any understanding of love as a teenager. I think I just used it without knowing what it meant. Huh.

Anyway, now love is a warm and fuzzy feeling, which I know in my head isn't a complete understanding of it. For instance, I don't understand "tough love" right now. I can't see how grounding someone is love. And I think I'll grow to understand it in that way eventually, but I sure don't right now. Good thing I'm not a parent yet. :)

I don't understand the love that my grandparents know. I have a feeling that it's a lot different than I think. And I don't think I'll even go there right now, because it's just too far from my understanding... And I have a sense that it is something sacred and precious, and not found very often in this world anymore. I'll leave it alone.

Hm. It's funny how there are different loves. And God created them all. No--God is them all!

Now that's hard to understand!

-Stephanie

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