RRRRAAAGGGGHHHH. I SO did not want to have to go through that over the phone.

Last summer I told Ty I didn't work Sundays. This summer I changed my mind. Why? I don't know yet. Today Ty called and said, "Monday at five?"

"Okay, sure," said I. (Four more days of freedom.... UGH.)

"And did you want to work Sundays?"

"Weeeellll... I wouldn't mind working, like, 5 and after," I said, which was a lousy answer.

"Okay," said Ty. He definitely sounded surprised and wondered at my change of mind. "I just wondered, since you put Sundays down as available time."

"Yeah..."

"Okay, then. I'll see you later."

"Okay. See ya!"

That wasn't the entire conversation; I left out some unimportant things, but that was what I wanted to write.

I think my biggest fear right now is that Ty is going to schedule me to work every day, since I said I was available every day. Mom said he wouldn't do that, and he didn't last year. I only ever worked 4 days a week, max. But MAN I hated saying I was available every day. I guess what I really don't like is not being able to have a day to myself.

"Welcome to the real world," is what Mom would say.

I am so glad I'm going into teaching. I only have to go to work 5 days a week and I get 3 months' vacation time. Hallelujah.

Lord, am I ever going to find a profession that fits what I want? Father, I know I'm lazy and selfish. I like to work with my mind, and alone. I like SCHOOL. God, please help me find my niche. And help me to become more the person You want me to be. Amen.

Am I going to teach and be a mom? How is that going to work?

I guess what I really want is to be a mom. Only a mom. A mom who occasionally writes poetry and tries to write books and takes college courses every now because she likes to learn.

But that's a nothing. That's what it is: a nothing. And, as far as I've been told, nothings are not allowed in today's world. I HAVE TO WORK. The end. I must support myself because I may not be supported.

I guess that's what I get from growing up in a single-parent home, and with a grandfather nearby who is a workaholic.

That's really the truth--about my grandpa, I mean. I wasn't just being a bratty granddaughter. No, my grandpa retired from teaching about 10 years ago, and is now a part-time truck driver. And he continually fixes up things around our house, which he is the landlord of, and also does whatever he can to keep my poor 20-year-old car running. He just likes to work, and his opinion is that nothing ever comes in life without working for it.

And I had a very typical, loving mother who overindulges her kids. Sam pays for her own gas now, but the rest of her paycheck goes to make-up, clothes, music, whatever she wants. I don't even pay for my gas. (That difference is because Sam moved out--Mom told her she could pay for her own gas, then, and she has been ever since.) Mom pays for all my trips. She's paying for my summer courses--although I'm paying for my books. Here I am, 20 years old--a grown woman, in the opinion of some--and I ride on the cushy pillow of my mom's money. We aren't rich, but I am spoiled. WHY CAN'T I GET IT IN MY HEAD THAT I SHOULD GROW UP?

I actually offered to pay for the plane ticket to Angela's wedding. I had enough money in my savings account. But Mom said, "No, I'll pay for your plane ticket; you shouldn't have to do that."

Oh. A light just came on in my dim head. Mom... She's never... Oh my goodness. So Grandpa's "you-want-it-you-work-for-it" principle did rub off on her after all. Mom's never accepted "charity." She wouldn't let my grandparents pay for anything, even though they offered plenty often, and only because of the REALLY high price of a private Christian school does she allow them to pay for my college--on loan, by the way. Mom wouldn't have it any other way. Well, neither would my grandparents, I'm sure.

What was I saying? Oh yes, I think Mom wouldn't let me pay for my plane ticket...maybe in part because of her refusal to accept "charity." LOL. Charity from her daughter. That's certainly laughable... "Wit is the sudden marriage of two ideas that, before the marriage, were never perceived to have any relationship." So says a book of quotes I have.

I should ask Mom the real reason she wouldn't let me pay for my own ticket. I really think it was in the way I presented the idea, though. Uncertainly. I was uncertain whether I was going to be paying for it or not... She had never mentioned anything like that, but it IS my trip.

We ought to go halvesies.

Anyway, so I decided to test the waters by just saying something like, "I've got enough money in my savings account now to pay for my plane ticket." That's when she said, "Oh no, you don't need to do that."

I wish Mom would tell me what to pay for and what not to pay for instead of just saying, "You need a job! I'm not paying for everything in your life!"

Actually, her alleged reason for me needing a job was that I "needed to learn work ethic."

She did threaten not to take me on the trip if I didn't get a job. I started counting pennies... I had $600 in savings and checking combined... So I might've been able to do it. But then I had to pay for my books for my courses. Two of them cost $145; I haven't bought the third yet. And then there was the whole, "Who's gonna pay to go on a trip with me to a state they've never been to to see a girl I've never met?" thing. And the safety issue; my grandparents would NEVER have let me go alone; they probably would've volunteered to go with me, and then Mom would've been mad......

::sigh:: This is all very frustrating to write about. I have a job now. I can go meet Angela. That ordeal is past; I should quit worrying my life away about it.

Oh, babysitting... I need to call Liz tonight to see if she's got a babysitter yet.

Monday at five. Ugh. I did not want to work at Domino's this summer.

Top 10 Good-Bye Phrases Used On "Where In The U.S.A. Is Carmen Sandiego?" Game

1. So long for now.
2. See ya.
3. Catch ya later.
4. Sorry to see you go.
5. I hope we will meet again.
6. I'm glad our paths crossed.
7. Nice meeting you.
8. It was nice having you around.
9. Good to see you.
10. Cheers.

The sad thing is I can hear every character's voice that says each particular phrase. I like the British guy. I hated the guy who said, "I hope we will meet again." It was like, "I hope WE will meet again," all suggestive-sounding and nasally... CREEPY!!

LOL, anyway. In the words of the British guy: "Cheers."

-Stephanie

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