Wow. Nate is 19 today.

Nineteen.

He's, like, an adult now. Out of the high school years. Wow. That just blows my mind. I want to ask him, has he changed any? Has he grown up?

It blows my mind that that means it's been 3 years, too. Three years! I feel like I should've changed some, too, since then, but I don't feel like I've changed much. Especially with all the boy drama that's been going on lately. :P

Which is now happily over, I might add. :) Thank the Lord! That's another story. For now I feel like refelecting on Nate and that relationship. I know I do that a lot. I'm not going to apologize for it anymore. It's just another part of my life.

Nate's still 16 to me, and it seems like there's no way that he could possibly be 19. As in almost 20! Which is how old my sister is going to be in 3 months, and that's incredible, too. When did people grow up?? And the bigger question, has Nate really grown up?

I think that question is always going to be at the back of my mind. He says he has changed. I don't see it--obviously, because I don't see him. I just talk to him online. The other day he was trying to get me to say "I love you" to him. I about clobbered him. I thought of what I should have said later: "I don't think, with our history, that that is appropriate." Wish I'd thought of it in the moment. But no use worrying about it now.

Anyway. Has he changed? If I visit his family over break, I might see him and be able to decide for myself. I want him to have changed. It would be comforting. I guess I still worry that he's stuck in our relationship and who he was after our breakup.

But I'm worrying about something I can't get answers to right now, so I'll just leave it alone.

For now, I'm glad that other boy drama is out of my life and I'm back to focusing on one boy instead of multiple boys. :)

Kevin "broke up" with me today. LOL. We weren't even ever going out. And, by the way, it wasn't really a break up. I just call it that, 'cause that's what it felt like, and I thought it was hilarious.

What he said was "No guarantees next semester." I understood. I told him it was probably better that way anyway. He agreed, but I wonder if he still likes me, though? What a curious question. Anyway. All our drama was about to get WAY out of hand, and I was so proud of the way Kevin put an end to it. Nate would never, ever, ever have been able to do that. Not at 16. Maybe now... Hm. Wouldn't that be something? But anyway, earlier this semester, he said, "At the first sign of drama, I'm out," and I didn't believe him. But he really pulled it off! I think that totally rocks! I gained a whole lot more respect for him through the conversation. I wish I could tell him that, but I know that'd be dumb, and I won't.

"No guarantees next semester." That does have just a tinge of sadness in it. The excitement is out of my life. It's fun to have excitement... It's fun to have a little bit of drama.

But once the drama starts to get out of hand, it's not fun anymore. Kevin sure did the right thing. I'm so relieved and amazed and glad. He's really a great guy.

I hope we'll stay friends...

Actually, knowing us, we'll probably be laughing together over it in a couple months. :) We do get along great. As friends. Not as anything more.

Thus, happily, ends this chapter of my life. :D

-Stephanie

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