Don't ask me why I'm writing in here.

I saw Kevin today. I mean I was in a small group setting with him where there was interacting. But despite the size of the group, I still managed to not talk to him.

What made me happy was his attitude upon being there. He didn't seem afraid of seeing me there or not knowing what to say or anything. He actually waltzed on in and said in his usual loud Kevin-voice, "David, I'm so glad you were born!" :D We were having a "very merry unbirthday" party for David. But it was so cool to hear Kevin using his usual happy-outgoing-Kevin voice. All this time we haven't been talking I've only been hearing his voice in my head as serious and unsmiling and not-Kevin-ish. So anyway, it was good to see him his usual self.

But as I said, we're still not exactly talking. It'll take time, as I told Mindy at the Philharmonic concert. I just want to go back to meaningless flirtation with him... That was fun. And we were both okay with it, meaningless as it was. It only got bad when 1) I found out he liked me and went seriously overboard with the flirting and 2) when we danced and, not only did I go seriously overboard with the flirting, but I....went and started liking him. Then things got weird. Then he ended things and they got even weirder.

Anyway. Mindy's a great friend to have. She lets me rant to her when my roommates are sick of hearing his name come out of my mouth. I'm sick of hearing his name come out of my mouth, quite frankly, but until this gets figured out, I'll be completely obsessing over this like I have been.

What I'd really like to do is just talk to him and have it go something like this:

"Kevin, I'm still getting over you."
"Stephanie, I know."
"So we're okay with this?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, great."

And then we'd just forget about it and he'd start the flirtatiousness again and I would respond and we'd mutually understand that it was completely meaningless and nothing was going to come of it.

Like last semester.

URGH. Wish I'd not done so many things. Like leaning up against his arm, quite on purpose, but so subtly he might second-guess himself in wondering if it was on purpose. Or like going over to his apartment to study. No, actually, that was okay. Going to the Sunday school party afterward and watching RENT after that was not okay. And then the hugging. Or rather the not hugging. But if he'd never come to our apartment, that wouldn't have happened anyway.

---

WHOA! Okay, so we just talked on MSN real briefly. Did not expect that. Wow. He apologized for not saying hi to me tonight! How sweet is that? He said, "Hey, completely sorry I did not say 'hi' or really anything to you at Dave's unbirthday party." What an absolute sweetheart! Maybe there is hope and one day we will talk normally??? Yay God! Miracles do happen!

Maybe salvation will one day come over MSN. I'd rather I could actually talk face-to-face, but IMing is definitely my default if I need to tell someone something.

'K, I'm really going to bed now. I'm way tired. G'night.

I miss talking to Isaac. We've been too busy. We need to catch up. :(

Oy, I need to pray that I get homework done tomorrow.

BED.

-Stephanie

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