Once upon a time there was a girl who got hurt by a stupid guy. She thought she would be completely over it in a couple of months, but three and a half months later she was still harboring a lot of bitterness against the guy.

I have GOT to just forgive Kevin and just move on. I don't know what my problem is.

It just doesn't feel good to get your heart torn out and stomped on. I guess there's something I'll have to keep in mind in my next relationship, whenever that will be...How does that phrase go? Once burned, twice shy? I already have a hard enough time being honest and open about my feelings in a relationship; the whole Kevin...junk just made it worse.

Sometimes the smallest thing will set me off. Just the mention of his name and my immediate reaction is one of disgust. And Amy just hinted the other day that he'd done something that I wouldn't like and didn't know about and she wasn't going to tell me what it was, and I got so angry. Not at Amy for not telling me--but at Kevin for whatever it was he'd done that I didn't know about. I mentioned how angry it made me at him. Amy and Rebecca (apparently I'm the only one out of the loop) both said, "Oh, it's nothing that bad!" which made me feel a little bit better--but the strength of the resentment that had risen up in me surprised me.

I'm kind of tired of all this emotional flip-flopping that guys/crushes create. I want to be done with it once and for all.

Some days I'm sure I'm never getting married.

But I'm only 21. It's not the time to give up hope yet.

I ought to just forget about him. Not even try to talk to him anymore. But when I see him smiling, talking and laughing to others I remember how fun he can be. It's hard to just ignore someone that you know can make you laugh all the time. ::sigh::

I need to go talk to God.

-Stephanie

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