I had a dream. These are my thoughts on the dream, straight out of my diary from this morning at 6 a.m. I can't reveal the names, sorry. :) Read this for the message, not for the drama. There is a LOT in it, though, and it's not even 100% intelligible, because it was early, early, early in the morning.

---

"I have never had such a thorough dream in all my life. And I'm still kind of coming down from it. My heart is beating so hard against my rib cage and all I can think of is the fact that I never want ***** out of my life. Which makes me cry, because you know what that means.

"The dream wasn't about ***** specifically. It was an answer to the question I've been asking since I first took interest in guys: How do you know when it's love? And I think the answer is embedded in that last bit of my last paragraph. You know it's love when you don't want a person out of your life ever. EVER. I felt it, clear as day, in that dream.

"I have an answer, right here in my hand, like a key to add to my keychain of big questions I have found answers to. I can't believe my 5 a.m. half-dreaming has finally paid off. I've been having 5 a.m. half-dreams for as long as I can remember, many of which have answered smaller questions, but this is the first one that's answered such a huge question.

"Now that I know what love really looks like, who is it going to be?"

---

And I just got out of a chat room where I asked my huge question brought on by the dream. As convinced as I felt at 6 a.m. this morning that I had found the answer to that old, old question--what love is--as the day wore on I wrestled with doubt.

Sein [that's me]: so...one last comment/question. in the dream I had this morning, I thought I found the answer to what love is. I had this really strong feeling that I never EVER wanted to be apart from the guy in my dream.
Sein: is that reliable, or is that just a feeling?
JM: sein.........could be both
Sein: Jm....yeah....I've been raised to basically completely discount feelings as any kind of reliable way of finding answers ::shrug::
Sein: so that's why I put it the way I did
JM: Sein.......hmmmm well its not tht feelings are bad....
JM: I mean we love the feel of things
JM: if they are TRUE
Rennie: it's that feelings go up and down like a roller coaster
MSilly: I was taught that if you dont have the answer to a question then you dont have enough information
Sein: Jm... I'm listening. go on
JM: Sein......well...........I would tuck that in the pocket of your heart.....
Sein: m'k
Sein: rawr. I wish this whole relationship stuff came easier :P
JM: and wait and see...especially if its coming from our LORd
Sein: waiting, waiting. yeah. I've been doing that for a while, I guess it won't hurt to wait more :)
MSilly: Sein the waiting and the deciding is easier then the marriage
JM: Sein....and keep busy busy
MSilly: sometimes you need to wait a life time to get something worth waiting a life time for
Sein: busy busy. okay. wait and keep busy. I like that.
JM: Sein.....especially things tht you love to do
Sein: I'm not very good at it, LOL, but it's served me well for the last 3 years since my one and only relationship
Sein: it took 2 of those years for me to just be okay with dating again
JM: Sein...and those things that your longing for will come........HE does give you the desires of YOUR HEART
MSilly: it took me years of icky relationships before i found out what love WAS NOT
Sein: Jm, thanks for your advice and stuff :)
Sein: and everyone else who pitched in
Sein: I really appreciate it
JM: Sein.............Blessings to you!!
MSilly: Sein have you ever written down everything you want in a husband ??
Sein: Silly, I've tried
Sein: but I keep changing my list
MSilly: Sein and what stopped .. ohh well thats ok .. that just means you havent decided ..
MSilly: Sein I am kinda glad you were here today ..
Sein: Silly - oh yeah?
Sein: why's that?
MSilly: my husband and I are in a Funk .. and thinking about all that reminds me of how hes just wonderful
JM: Sein...........I say you have a Sweet Spirit!!
Sein: aw :) well, I'm glad all my questions benefited someone else. that makes me happy :-D
Sein: Jm, thank you
MSilly: Sein .. you will be fine ..
Sein: well, I'm going to go take all you guys said and digest it for a while ;)
Sein thanks again, and I'll see you all later
JM: Sein......blessings!!
Rennie: Sein, take care!
Sein: g'night
JM: G'nigt

Sigh. So I'm kind of in a rut. I didn't get my answers, but I like what JM said, about waiting and keeping busy. I think that is a wise plan, and it sure is easier to say, "Just wait some more," rather than, "I have to figure it out NOW!" I've been waiting for so long anyway, what's a little more? And I mean that, too, not being sarcastic this time. :)

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023