Justin, my old "flame" (HA! Except there was never a flame between us...) from ages and ages ago, is dating someone now and he's got it pretty bad for her, so I think she's going to be it for him. And I'm so happy and sad all at once. Just a peculiar kind of sadness, the one that comes from the loss of what could've been. I was feeling the same thing today with a different guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't quite the same because he isn't dating anyone at the moment, much less dating someone I feel he's going to marry. But I felt that same kind of sense of loss and a tinge of sadness in that loss.

The happiness I feel is due largely to my knowledge of his relationship with Beth and how I was connected to that. It wasn't in a good way... Those of you that have been reading my diary since the beginning know that I had real struggles with jealousy when Beth and Justin were dating and I made life pretty difficult for Beth because of that. So I know that that may have affected their relationships in more negative ways than I originally intended. Seeing Justin being totally in love with Breann now really gives me a lot of hope, though. :) I guess God really can work through the huge messes we make of our lives and others' lives sometimes.

It's intriguing to me the different things we focus on in our own lives and what lessons we learn from those things. All my life I have been so focused and centered around romantic love and crushes. I can't even count the number of times I have thought to myself, 'Good GRIEF! Can't you talk about anything else??!!' Yet God has made use of my mild obsession (LOL) with romance and taught me lessons through it.

People are so unique and interesting. I wish I could know everybody's life stories and how they've got to where they are from where they were. It would be so fun to look at. :) But that is why I read... I must say I love to read about people's lives and their inner thoughts and workings, fictional or nonfictional.

And I am still procrastinating. I need to go be focused on the inner workings of John Milton's mind in Paradise Lost--at least Book V. :)

Love y'all,
Stephanie

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