It's been an interesting day.

I went to counseling today. There are some things I've needed a counselor for for a while now (I'm not going out of my mind, don't worry ;) ) and I finally got the push I needed to go out and get counseling this last weekend. And I'm glad, because I think it's really going to help.

Boy, a lot of things have helped me in the last week. Steve and I had a boundaries talk before we had our talk Saturday and I had to admit some things to him that I hated having to admit to him. And he said something that so totally assured me of his love and understanding that I was, once again, awestruck by the beauty of our relationship--how God has blessed it so far. I don't in any way deserve this, and I thank God for it.

I also thank God for the experiences he has brought me through to bring me to this point in my life. I'm working on seeing God's hand in preparing me for Stephen, because Stephen always talks about how God prepared him for me. I see one thing very, very clearly that prepared me for my relationship with Steve, and that was my friendship with my dear friend Isaac. I don't know if he reads this anymore--if he does, he'll have to excuse the sap, LOL. It might make him a little sticky. ;D

My friendship with Isaac was just that: a fairly platonic relationship (that means non-romantic; it's a good word :) ). We had our instances, LOL. He remembers those as well as if not better than I do, heehee. But on the whole it was just a great friendship and I can see how it really taught me relating to guys in general, which has had an incredible impact on how my relationship with Steve has gone. I see God's hand very, very, very clearly in that, and I appreciate God for what he's done and Isaac for who he's been in my life. I could not have asked for a better friend. And even though it didn't turn into anything more than that, I hope he knows how much I appreciate and love him for being who he is.

Yay friends! Aww... Warm fuzzies... :D

So... Other things God has used to prepare me. My relationship with Nate certainly taught me what I don't want in a relationship. The junk with Kevin did the same, but the stuff before it got messy taught me things too. Through Kevin, Ryan and Josh--the three guys I went on a few dates with last year--taught me that I AM likable. Josh and Ryan both still appreciate me as a friend, although things have gotten a little strange with Ryan lately... I think he may have leftover feelings for me, but I'm not sure about that... And that kind of assurance was so healing for me last year. To know that, despite all the crud from my relationship with Nate, I was still a likable person--and a step beyond that is a lov[e]able person. Steve taught me that most clearly, though. :)

(Random English usage note: Lovable IS spelled without the E, but when I think of "lovable" I think of cute and cuddly. I would much rather prefer the E be in there so the whole word is in there.)

Getting over Nate--and Kevin, actually, to some degree--also taught me that life doesn't end when a romantic relationship ends. I know now that if my relationship with Steve did not end up in marriage, that, although it would hurt very much, I could survive it. I might even be able to go on to someone new after a while, although right now that concept is a little beyond my comprehension.

Anyway, life is a series of lessons. And while I don't think the meaning of life is finding that special someone, it certainly is a big part, and I think once a person gets close to finding that special someone, they start to see how experiences in life have led them up to this point. That's where I am at now. I wish I could go on, but I think I've exhausted the subject for now. :) I need to do my homework for tomorrow, too... So, if you all would, please keep Steve and me in your prayers as we continue in our relationship. Pray that God would always stay at the head of it, like he has so far, thankfully. Pray that we would grow closer to God and closer to each other as our relationship progresses. And, of course, pray that if we DO come to a point where we take that next step, that both of us will be ready and know what we're getting into. :) Thank you, all.

Love,
Stephanie

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