As this becomes more of a personal diary than just a journal to get my voice out there, I'm going to be talking about more personal things. This may replace my actual diaries eventually. We'll see.

Stephen and I have made it over another stumbling block. For the last few months, there's been a lot of stress and tension in our relationship. A LOT. Finally we brought it to his parents, who are wonderful, God-given resources. I expected his mom to be the main insight, but this time it was his dad. And he did it in a way very true to his nature (and Stephen's): by citing something he read in a book, about the amygdala and the frontal lobe. :) Seems like it has nothing to do with a relationship, right? But it really does.

The amygdala is a part of the brain that takes knowledge and applies it to situations in the most concise, efficient way possible. It creates shortcuts about how to handle a situation based on what you have seen in the past. The frontal lobe, on the other hand, thinks through things and tries to come up with new solutions. It takes longer, but it's more thoughtful.

Stephen's dad went on to explain that Stephen and I may be reacting to caricatures of each other that have been created by our amygdalas: shortcuts on how to deal with each other based on exaggerated perceptions of each other.

It didn't take much more than that. I put the pieces together in my head before Stephen's dad (also very true to his nature--and Stephen's :) ) spelled it out for us.

Stephen got it too, and by the time his dad had wrapped up his explanation and was asking us, "Do you guys want to look at that book?", Steve's arms were around me and I was beginning to cry into his shoulder.

It was all entirely true. I have been reacting to caricatures of Stephen because I am close enough to him now to see all his goods and bads very, very clearly, and it's far too easy to make a caricature out of the bads and then react to that. That's what the problem has been. I've been getting very irritated with him, and often, because I've been reacting to a caricature of him I've created in my head.

After I realized this, I was way more at peace than I have been in a long time. And very humbled.

I'm really tired, so I don't know what else to say, but that's today's story. I'm glad it has a happy ending. :)

-Stephanie

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