I've been learning a lot about boundaries. Boundaries is half my problem, it seems, when it comes to any relationship. Because I am a people-pleaser, especially with those whom I love the most, I often let my boundaries get stepped over or virtually demolished. One great example is watching dumb, pointless movies. I have never had much of an appreciation for movies such as Napoleon Dynamite or Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But I've seen both of these movies several times because so many of my friends appreciate or at least seem to appreciate them and often want to watch those movies in a group setting. So I watch it with them.

That's letting my boundaries get stepped on or over. I said I let them get virtually demolished. Not only will I see those movies that I hate watching, but when someone asks me if I liked one of those movies, I say "Yes" if I suspect the person asking likes them, because I want those people to like me. In fact, I've said, "Yes, I like Monty Python" to so many people and have tried SO hard to like it, because SO many people DO like it, that I'm not even sure if I like it or not, even though somewhere inside I know I don't like it.

That is when letting boundaries get stepped over turns into letting boundaries get virtually demolished. You let your boundaries extend so much that you no longer have a unique identity--you're everything, and therefore nothing. It's when you lose your sense of who you are.

Dumb movies aren't the only area in my life where I let my boundaries get demolished like that. It's pretty deeply set into who I am after 22 years. :P With the help of counseling, I'm trying to reestablish my boundaries, retract them back to where they should be. It is NOT easy! The only thing that helps me do it is knowing it's healthy for me somehow. If I were doing this for anybody else, I wouldn't be doing it.

-Stephanie

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