I'm changing. I'm changing a lot.

I've been applying for jobs. It's getting easier, and my fears about jobs ad everything related seem to be lifting a little. Being around Stephen must really be helping. He has been looking for a new job, and has gone to 4 or 5 interviews. Unfortunately, they didn't end up hiring him... But watching him oh-so-calmly go get interviewed and then come back only a little disappointed and not at all disenheartened is amazing. He just goes right back and starts applying for other jobs. I so admire his undaunted courage. How does he do that?

Another thing that's been changing a lot is my faith. For the longest time I was down in a hole--a deep, dark one!--feeling hopeless about ever getting out again. But I know I've been climbing out again--it's kind of crazy. But ever since we got married, I've felt like things have improved quite a bit. I suppose Stephen would say drastically--I don't know, it's always hard when you live in the present and everything is relative. LOL.

Anyway, last night Stephen and I were doing our devotions (we're in Matthew now) and we had a really good discussion about the Sermon on the Mount, how people get caught up in the details, and how it actually fits into the big picture.

I sure wish I'd grown up in big-picture surroundings. But there's a reason for everything, right?

We managed to have an in-depth spiritual discussion without it turning into an all-out civil war. That's pretty incredible.

And I'm really glad we're in Matthew. The Gospels are really what I need to hear at this point in my life. Jesus is kind of the only thing I can make sense of right now, and has been for...ever, it feels like. A year. Same time this spiritual battle has been going on.

Last night as we were talking, I suddenly asked Stephen, "Stephen? Do you think I've been in spiritual battle?"

"YES." Totally without hesitation.

I pondered this. "For how long?"

He said, "For as long as I've known you."

For as long as I've known you.

I agreed that yes, that was about the time I ran into those atheist agnostics. It was actually a couple weeks after I met him that that happened. But now I began to see it in a whole different light. Our whole relationship had been right when I'd been fighting this spiritual battle. I always thought that the two were unconnected. Or if they were connected, it was because Stephen had been Presbyterian most of his life and I'd been Nazarene most/all of my life. Practical reasons. What if it's much bigger than that?

I'm going to leave that open to my readers.

Boy, it's a good thing I've got my mom's fighting spirit.

So maybe there ARE reasons for everything.

-Stephanie

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