Every once in a while I start thinking about my ex again.

Today I'm not plagued with the feeling of not having closure. It just hurts to be reminded of him. I think I'm learning something. Learning usually hurts.

It began with an e-mail to my old friend Rhonda. Rhonda went to high school with me, although we never really talked.

Rhonda had talked about an ex-boyfriend that she had trouble not going back to. That sounded very familiar, so I went off about Nate in my e-mail back to her, talking about how the last I'd heard he had a son with a girl he's no longer with. I said I thought that was kind of tragic, since I know what it's like to grow up without a dad.

Rhonda e-mailed me back, saying that apparently the girl had run a DNA test on the child, and it wasn't Nate's after all. She basically told me that I shouldn't make judgments on things I don't know everything about.

She didn't say it quite like that, but that's how it came across. It didn't sit very well with me, and in my reply I said very little pertaining to the subject.

But ever since I found out those extra little details, I've felt afraid every time I'm reminded of him. I think it comes from feeling told that I should have more sympathy toward him, even if it's from someone who knows nothing about what our relationship was like.

I've had quite enough of that.

~*~

I'm glad I stopped writing for a while. I was starting to depress myself, thinking and dwelling way too much on the past. I came back to here and deleted a whole chunk of writing just because I knew if I pursued the topic, I'd just get more and more depressed.

Sometimes it really just helps to step away and look at other people's lives for a while. It really gives perspective.

I'm gonna leave the rest up because it helps to have in writing what I've been feeling lately. Makes it a little bit clearer. But I'm going to stop thinking about it for now. No need. :) It's over and done.

Note to self: Learn to think and talk less about yourself.

Friends help.

-Stephanie

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