Long story.

I met Stephen through a girl named Melanie. She is the one who took me swing dancing every Sunday night that summer (which, Stephen informs me, is TWO summers ago now--how time flies! =-0 ). At the time, she was dating a guy named Aaron, only their relationship seemed a bit weird to me. Like maybe it was on rocks even when I knew her, but they just never let on. Melanie seemed more mature to me than Aaron... But anyway, that's neither here nor there.

I found out in September 2007 that Melanie and Aaron had, in fact, broken up sometime during the summer, but they kept taking me to swing dancing anyway. So I'd been right.

After the breakup, Aaron didn't treat her very well. He was kind of a jerk to her. And between going back to school (she's a teacher) and not wanting to be reminded of Aaron, she stopped dancing. (Interestingly, so did I, but for different reasons.) I don't think she's been back since their relationship ended.

So several months later, Melanie found a new guy, Scott. I was really happy for her, that she could move on from Aaron's treating her badly and get into another relationship and still be who she was. I have met so many girls that have been totally scarred by bad relationships (really bad ones, involving cheating and abuse and all sorts of awful stuff) that their entire personalities change. Sometimes they hop from bad relationship to bad relationship afterward, sometimes they refuse to ever date again, sometimes they start dating girls. Very rarely do I see a relationship spring up in a healthy way after bad breakups, in my circle of acquaintances.

But Melanie did it. :) As I said, I was very happy for her--and even happier when about 6 months later she told me they were engaged!!! That was in September, right before my own wedding, so I had a blast helping her with hers and relating to her about long-distance planning and everything. We even went lingerie shopping together. :D We had fun.

Yesterday I went to Melanie's house, seeing her for the first time in 3 or 4 months. She had a couple of friends over, a hairdresser guy, a really really good friend of hers, and interestingly, Aaron's aunt. So I got to hear about what happened to Aaron after their relationship ended. Apparently he's been going from bad relationship to bad relationship and is currently with a girl who is horribly controlling and has his family begging him to break up with her. His aunt said that she thinks it won't be much longer, but for the time being he's staying with her.

Early in the night I started to pick up hints I didn't want to hear. Sympathetic remarks and half-finished sentences directed toward Melanie. And I started to guess.

I had it pretty much figured out when Ski (the hairdresser) blundered it into abundant clarity. Poor guy... :D He asked Melanie how she and Scott were doing, and there was a second of awkward silence. Megan offered gently, "No mas." And although I couldn't see Melanie, I heard her confirm, "No mas."

The rest of the night I couldn't stop thinking about it. I can't believe Melanie and Scott aren't together anymore. I can't believe Melanie and Scott aren't together anymore! kept running through my head. And I hadn't heard a word about it!! And nobody was explaining and I was terrified to ask.

Ski was terribly embarrassed, of course. "Oh--OH--I'm sorry, I didn't--" etc. etc. Poor guy! But it got better, because later he asked Megan about her boyfriend, and she and Mel started laughing. "Ex," Megan clarified. "She has a new boy now," Melanie said with a smile. Poor Ski!!! :D

Megan's new boy news wasn't as big a deal, because she's still young and not looking for a serious relationship right now. That's why it was so funny and okay to laugh about Ski's second blunder. :D

I found out over the course of the evening that Ski was divorced and had a few kids, and at that point all the broken relationship stories were just killing me. I don't think I've felt so much pain in one room in my whole life, just between the stories about Aaron, learning about Mel and Scott, and hearing about Ski.

The entire night, I just couldn't get over the fact that Mel and Scott had been engaged, and now weren't together anymore. I wished I could hug her really tight and say how sorry I was, but with three other people there, I felt that wasn't appropriate.

Melanie, Susie and Megan were all getting their hair colored. The other two girls went first. Melanie went last. Coloring takes a LONG long time, and by the time Mel's hair was ready to come out of the tinfoil, everybody had left but me. I had wanted to leave a couple times--I missed Steve to death--but I wanted to see how Mel's hair turned out. Megan's had turned out beautifully, and Ski was doing something similar with Mel's.

With just the three of us there, it was easier to open up. While Melanie was washing her hair, Ski and I had a really, really good conversation about faith and how he became a Christian. He grew up Catholic and was led away from faith because of it. We had very similar stories, in a way, because in both our lives, the legalism we found in our home churches was a huge turn-off. He mentioned a couple books that I really want to check out now: Classic Christianity by Bob George, and The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson. Currently he goes to New Hope, a HUGE church about 20 minutes up from where we live.

Mel came out to get her hair trimmed after she was done washing it. I could see he'd done her hair in a more golden red color with blonde highlights. I thought it looked really pretty.

Ski packed up his stuff soon afterward and left, and I got my stuff together too, but not without giving Melanie a huge hug. "I'm so sorry about Scott!"

She finally told me the rest of the story. Mel had a lot going on in December--her grandmother passed away, for one thing--and she had told Scott she wanted to take a break. And Scott didn't handle it well at all. He got angry with her, and said if she didn't want him now, why would she want him in two months? And he broke off the engagement permanently.

I can only imagine how incredibly painful... Melanie is a strong woman and a strong Christian, but she also has a beautiful, sensitive heart.

She left a few days after that to go home to her parents for the holidays. I'm so glad she got to be with her family immediately after that. I have a feeling that this year she might be visiting them more frequently than she usually does.

Two of her bridesmaids had already bought plane tickets for the wedding, so they're going to keep the trip and just have a girls' week. That was the most fun part of the week for me anyway, so I'm glad she's doing that. :D

Late at night, in bed with Stephen, I was still thinking about her. I had to talk everything out with him, even though it was late.

"It seems unfair," I told Steve. "I'm younger than her. I got engaged to you within three months, got married in 10, fought with you like crazy before the wedding, but still got married, and we're happy. Melanie is older than me and definitely more mature, got engaged after 6 months, and is not engaged anymore. It just isn't fair. And I know life's not fair... But why'd it have to happen to Melanie?"

Stephen listened and tried to reassure me that it's better that this happened now, and not after they got married. He's right. But it still hurts.

"I went shopping with her for her wedding and helped her plan it a little," I said. Therein really lies the most painful part. I don't feel guilty, exactly, but it makes it hurt so much more. I feel like she was my best friend, and I feel like I'm feeling this especially more because of that. It just isn't fair.

We (Melanie and I) made plans to go dancing together on the 18th. Ski will be coming, hopefully, and I invited Stephen of course. If Ski doesn't show--how odd it will be to have Melanie be the "third wheel" after I felt like that for the whole summer she and Aaron were taking me dancing. I hope Ski shows.

I'm glad I get to see Melanie again. I've got to explain to her why I didn't try to contact her all of December.

-Stephanie

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