I have realized something very important. I don't want to be a career woman.

I'm afraid to put it on Facebook yet because some of my family is on Facebook, and all of my college friends are! Currently, I still feel that I am "throwing away" my education by saying that, although in the long run I know going to NNU was never a mistake. (Wow...What a mix of tenses, LOL...) But it's an indisputable fact. I don't want a career. I would like a job, for money's sake. But working for life will never be my goal, unless, of course, something terrible should happen and Stephen should pass away or something. (Heaven forbid. :( )

It's kind of funny, because everything I love to do are things I would never want to make a career out of. It would take the beauty out of it for me. "I'm only doing this for money" would corrupt my art. At least in my current frame of mind... If I could get it into my head that I'm NOT just doing it for money, I'm doing it for the love of the art and I just happen to be getting paid for it...

Agh, this is all so confusing.

Anyway, I'm kind of starting that already. I've been scrapbooking cards. I think I'll continue doing so. And I may still become an independent consultant for Close to My Heart. I've been batting the idea around since February, making no decisions. I would like to; it's just a matter of timing. It costs $99 up front, for a kit of scrapbooking supplies and how-to-run-your-own-business materials. To remain an active consultant, you must sell $100 worth of scrapbooking materials a month (or $300 per quarter, which is 3 months). Only active consultants can sign people on, which apparently is where you make the most money.

I'm not sure if I like the idea of making the most money off of other people. It just seems like an honest business would make the most money off of the things sold. So that's hard for me.

--Random aside, slightly related: I told Stephen once that I don't think I could ever be an actress, despite all my drama. "It's so hard for me to fake emotions convincingly; I don't know why," I told him. Much to my surprise, Stephen said, "That makes sense. You have a high value for emotion, but you have a high value for honesty too, perhaps even higher than your value for emotion." (Yes, he does actually talk like that, LOL.) What he said was quite astounding to me, because he really pinned it. I can't act because I value honesty too much. Which, if you think about it too much, makes it surprising that I actually like movies and plays and musicals, LOL. And books... Haha. I guess my standards for honesty are WAY higher for myself than for others. :)

That must be the difference between Grandpa and I. Grandpa has extremely high standards for honesty for himself, but he also expects the same from others. That's...surprisingly honorable. Hm. I suppose he considers himself very godly for that, since God is the one that gave us the extremely high standards in the first place. The only thing is, my grandpa is lacking in the forgiveness and grace that God gives. Plus, God doesn't expect us to meet those standards. Because our shortcomings have been paid for by Christ, and what God asks of us is faith. Hm. That's interesting...--

Wow, that turned into a way cooler aside than I thought it was going to.

-Stephanie

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