Apparently I wasn't able to make the full transition from teen to adult when I was at college.

I can't tell you how dearly I want to return to my college days. Seriously, does anyone else have this much trouble? I miss them like crazy. I miss getting to be completely young and energetic and fun-loving. I just don't feel like I was ready to be spit out into the grown-up world when I left... I feel like I should have stayed there another two years until I felt like I didn't fit in anymore 'cause I was too old and responsible. Then I could have left the college world and entered the real world really ready for it. As it is I have to make that transition OUT of college and I'm having a really hard time of it.

Why can't I grab a bunch of friends and go rollerskating just for the fun of it? Why can't I go dance my heart out with a bunch of friends in an independent coffee shop to the sound of a young local band? Why can't I go to a comedy show just to bring me out of my shell twice a year? Why can't I go see a chick flick or a tween movie just to laugh? Does all the fun & laughter have to end after college?!! I am hating this real world! I swear I can't live in a world without laughter and lighthearted fun. I just can't go from that all the time to that none of the time at the drop of a hat. It's just not that easy.

I'm not saying I don't want any responsibilities, although I know it sounds like that. I enjoy responsibility when I have fun parts of life to balance it out. If I could just be responsible 5 days of the week and forget grown-up-ness and responsibility for a few hours on the weekends, I think I'd be okay.

Why, why, why, why do I have to just suddenly be all serious all the time and worry about EVERYTHING? This is seriously killing me. :'(

Good heavens, whatever shall I do?

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Good grief, sometimes I feel like Steve's family is so out of touch with real life.

I write in my status that I'm getting overwhelmed with the thought of not ever being able to be silly again, followed by a desperate wish for flesh-and-blood friends and an apology for being so emotional in my Facebook status. So Margie responds, as she always does. (Last time this was a disaster. This time not so much, but still not good.) She says I should ask myself, quote, "Whose life can I bless today?" OH MY WORD.

I can't vent to her in fury as much as I'd like to, but I wrote out a response to her anyway.

That is the problem. I'm looking around me and there is nobody except the cat. Okay, I'm looking around outside and I see neighbors who speak only Spanish and some high school gang members and they are probably in REAL gangs since I'm not in [hometown] anymore. Okay, I'm looking around [current city] and I see married friends caught up in their new babies, their jobs, their dogs, their spouses and their churches and I see single friends who I've fallen so out of touch with that I wouldn't know where to begin in hopes of rebuilding a friendship. Okay, I'm looking in [city nearby]. I have one friend in [city nearby] who teaches school every day and my mom and sister who are caught up in their own lives. Okay, I'm looking in the whole Pacific Northwest and onward. Oh goody--MORE friends who I have fallen so out of touch with I wouldn't know how to begin to talk to! Oh, and relatives that I live a 6-hour drive away from and have even begun to forget how to relate to them. I'm in FINE shape to bless somebody's life today!

You see why I couldn't rightfully respond to her that way.

I swear. Stephen praises her for knowing better how to relate to me than the rest of my family because she's not quite as logical and big-picture oriented as the rest BUT SHE IS STILL LOGICAL AND BIG-PICTURE ORIENTED! She is still not in a place where she can actually understand me when I get super emotional. PASSIONATE WEEPING IS NOT COMFORTED BY AN ICE CUBE!

Vent over.

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(Calmed down edit.) Margie is the one I can relate to best out of Steve's family, because she is less N (big picture) than the rest of them, but sometimes she doesn't get it right in just the same way as the rest of them.

Logical people just do not understand emotional people. :(

-Stephanie

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