How'd I get here, from there?

Family. Forgiving. Things I'm dealing with right now.

I'm going to write about Steve's family first; it's easier.

Last summer (wow, was it really just last summer?) I got close to Steve's family. I felt loved and accepted by them. I felt like I could fit in. They were my ideal little family, with two loving, involved parents and five mature, responsible kids and a big, clean, organized, well-lit house. They ate meals together and had devotions every night. It was kind of a blinding light, so unlike anything I'd ever encountered before. I didn't even think about my family in comparison yet; I just saw them and their idyllic life.

Something happened. I don't know when or how yet. But no romantic idea lasts forever and I suppose the blinding light had to fade. At any rate, when I think about them now, I find now that their shortcomings stand out more than their virtues. And thinking about their shortcomings so much dampens even the light of their virtues.

Sounds an awful lot like a marriage. Reality hits, and it hits hard. You start thinking that even their good qualities might not be as good as they seem. Life goes through a dark phase.

For almost as long as my idealism about Stephen's family has been fading, my "reality" about my own family has been taking huge hits. That's harder. A lot harder. You would think that it would be easier. After all, how could you possibly be unrealistic about the people you have lived with your entire life? It's true that you see your family's shortcomings a lot more--but you also excuse them a lot more, because you love them. It becomes its own strand of idealism.

It requires grieving again. Grieving, and forgiving. The first probably has to come before the last. I don't think I've quite accomplished the first yet.

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023