STRESS.

Seriously.

I've never had such a stressful holiday season.

I do not promise that this entry will make sense.

For some stupid reason, I have got it in my head that I MUST get the PERFECT presents for EVERYONE on my list.

I just want to have a good Christmas.

Here is a list of things I associate with Christmas, in the order that they come to me.

1. Chocolate-covered peanut butter balls that my mom or grandma made.
   
2. Huckleberry pie, made by my grandma or my aunt Gail.
   
3. My grandpa Joe doing silly things, like putting his name on ALL of the gifts under the tree.
   
4. My sister and I passing out gifts to family sitting in Grandma's living room, surrounded by soft warm lamp light with colored lights on the window and white lights on the tree, which was decorated with teddy bears (Grandma had so many!), reindeer, gold and silver garlands. The light reflected off the wrapping paper on the gifts, which was usually shiny.
   
5. The fireplace blazing orange and heating the whole house to a good 75-80 degrees.
   
6. My sister and I decorating the tree, putting the presents under it and then playing with our little dolls and toys, entering them into all the little nooks and crannies between the presents, like it was some kind of Christmas wonderland.
   
7. Corn flake wreaths that my mom made.
   
8. Opening one present on Christmas Eve morning, the rest of the presents on Christmas Eve night.
   
9. Hanging of the Greens Service at my little church, with special music by people I knew--lots of red poinsettias, greenery and white lights.
   
10. Singing all my favorite sacred Christmas carols by candlelight at my church's Candlelight Service--O Holy Night and Silent Night are a couple.
    
11. Making lists of all our presents and who gave them to us so we could write thank-you notes.
    
12. Big Christmas dinner with a couple other relatives who couldn't come on Christmas Eve.
    
13. Opening stockings on Christmas morning. Mine always includes a chocolate orange. Lots of dollar things, plus one or two ten-dollar things.
    
14. Driving around looking at Christmas lights, especially going to Locomotive Park, which had a ton of trees covered in lights, plus lighted figures on the ground, plus lighted arches that changed color when you went through them, plus a light-decorated locomotive, and the best part of all: the musical tree decorated in blocks of colored lights that flashed to the music.

Lots of soft, warm light and lots of family are the two things that pop into my head first when I think about Christmas.

Writing and remembering all that actually helped me feel better. I guess I won't rant about getting the perfect gifts after all.

Just pray that God will somehow knock me upside the head and say, "You DON'T have to get the perfect present already!!"

-Stephanie

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