(Okay, I couldn't think of a good, all-encompassing title for this entry. So it's just Entry 89. :) )

Geez. What a tough situation.

Lute acts like he doesn't care that Nate and I have something going on. But I find it hard to believe he doesn't. He asked one of my friends yesterday if I was going out with him. I told him today that we weren't.

It worries me to death still, though. I've been through that horrible thing called jealousy. I don't want anyone else ever, ever to have to go through it. And it hurts me when people are hurt because of me. I don't want Lute to be hurt.

Like I said, he acts like it's no big deal. That makes me just want to emphasize more how things are between Nate and I. I'm going to back off now, though. I'd probably just make things worse and worse if I kept pressing consolations. All I can do now is pray and ask God to deal with Lute. He'll know what to do, and He can offer the best consolations. But I'm still worried. :(

So, an update on how things are going with Nate. In a word, wonderful. (Minus the Lute thing, but he doesn't know about that yet.) He calls me often, eats lunch with me (though he hates having to freeze outside :) ), and walks me to some of my classes every day at school. And yesterday was my birthday.... I have to admit, I dropped hints to a shameful extent throughout our phone calls the last 2 weeks. :) But I really wanted him to know, because if he didn't, he'd find out ON my birthday and be like, "Why didn't you tell me?!" Plus... It would be cool to get something from a BOY for my birthday. LOL!

Well, he did get me something. :) A really nice birthday card, with butterflies on it. How'd he know I like butterflies?

And then he invited me to go see "50 First Dates" with him this Friday, when it opens. He said it'd be a kind of late birthday present. A birthday present! A date! Oh my gosh!!

We're also going bowling Saturday.... A Valentine's Day date. My pen pal yesterday got SO excited when I told her about that on AOL! She was like, "Stephanie has a boyfriend!!!" I corrected her, of course. We're... I would say "just friends", but, in my mom's words, we aren't just friends. But neither of us want to take on the boyfriend-girlfriend title. It's hard to explain... It has to do with the stereotypes that come with titles like that, for me at least. When I think of boyfriend and girlfriend, the first thing I think of is the typical junior high "relationship." Really just crushes--and not always mutual, LOL! The second thing I think of is a serious relationship. Um, we're not serious. Not... yet, anyhow... I mean, I'm sure he's not even thinking that direction. I am... Just because, one, I'm a girl and, two, I'm me--and I take all of life pretty seriously. That's just my disposition.

But anyway! The point is, as long as he just wants to be friends, it's okay with me. In God's time.

-Stephanie