"My mom has weak spots. One is for animals. Perhaps she sees herself in them.

"...A lot of thoughts came to me as I listened, thoughts that didn't have words yet. It struck me how much cared about animals, but how hard-hearted she can be about people. I don't mean she's really cold and heartless, because she obviously isn't. Somewhere deep down in there, there is locked away a deep well of sensitivity. It more struck me what thick, high walls she must have built around that well. And to what Herculean efforts she must go to hide the fact of its existence.

"I wish so often I could take a battering ram to those walls just to get her to show some feelings for me, or anybody. I wish so hard that I could pen a letter to her exposing all I know about her efforts to hide, forcing her to break down and just have it all dealt with all at once. I know she loves me deep down inside, but I want to make her show me. I want to see it for myself, in broad daylight.

"But I know the timing isn't right. A battering ram of my current strength would only break like a pencil against her walls. She isn't a direct kind of person. You kind of have to find a back way, a break in the structure, wedge yourself through it, and then help her break the walls open from the inside. No. That's not it. You have to wedge yourself through it, leave a small mark, and then back out, and wait and see what she does herself."

I wrote some really good stuff about her name that I wish I could write here. But anyway, I finished with a most interesting observational paragraph:

"Poetry, or poetic prose, is fascinating, isn't it? It divides soul and spirit sometimes. Somehow poetry makes a most frighteningly clear mirror. Perhaps because it so often concentrates on and illuminates ugly details."

-Stephanie

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