I was writing to my dad. I am not going to send this to him, but it was good journal writing.

I really have to watch myself when I'm writing to my family. Journaling to them in letters used to be okay, but then someone took something wrong and everything got screwed up and I'm more careful now what I tell them. :P But anyway, to my dad I wrote:

"Dad, I want to heal from all this. My mom� She doesn�t. My mom has been against the world for so long that she doesn�t want to forgive it. I�ve been praying a lot for her lately. Do you ever pray for her? That she�ll forgive you?

It isn�t just you, though. She has a lot of people to forgive that came before you. She had a tough go if it before she met you. Sometimes I wonder who she was when she met you. If she was ever ready to forgive the world. It seems like if she had been more ready to forgive the world, your guys� relationship would�ve lasted longer."

You can see why I can't send this, LOL. Way to pit one parent against another, sheesh!!! The repercussions of that action... I don't even want to think about it! But it makes a good journal entry nonetheless.

I have a million more thoughts about my mom and my dad, but I'll just write them in the letter and delete them.

Another interesting bit:

"I feel like that�s a terrible apology, but I�m not sorry that I told you what I did, because I needed you to know that it hurt. But I am sorry that I told you in such a hurtful way. I should be better at that.

"That�s not true. I am human, just like everybody else, and I will never be perfect. There�s no reason I should be better at anything except for the grace of God. My family thinks we will be perfect. It�s terrible, the Wesleyan idea of sanctification in this life. I shouldn�t say terrible; it can just be very destructive."

Side note: I love American Typewriter font.

Side note: This is entry 903.

-Stephanie

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