I don't really want to go into the details, but G did, in fact, get fired yesterday. :( I got my paycheck today and met the new florist. It's a guy. He seems nice. Timid-natured.

So anyway. I'm just staying in prayer about how I can be helpful to G during this time.

In another thread of my life... Stephen and I presented the idea of inviting Darcey to be part of our small group to our small group. The guys didn't like it, especially Carlos. But the girls were okay with the idea, with the understandable reservations about her possibly feeling out of place among us. The general conclusion was that we should ask Darcey what she would think.

Well, Rachel texted me today asking me if we'd talked to Darcey about it yet, which we haven't. Rachel's having coffee with her tomorrow morning and asked if she could talk to Darcey about it, since we haven't. I ran it by Stephen and he said that was fine. I called Rachel and let her know about my other idea, of doing a girls-only Bible study with her, for Rachel to talk to her about tomorrow. So she'll run both things by Darcey tomorrow, I guess.

I'm just left wondering one thing.

Why isn't it me having coffee with her tomorrow morning?

I mean, besides the obvious answer that I work Saturday mornings.

What I mean is, Stephen suggested I call Darcey today after her court goings-on and ask how she's doing, and possibly forge some get-together so I could be support for her. I didn't call her today. First of all because I was napping, but second of all because I just can't. For some stupid, idiotic reason, I can't just cold-call people like that. I just can't. I just can't.

I TRIED calling Georgene today, to ask if she wanted to go on a walk with me. I tried--I wrote a text message, with my hand on the Send button forever, until my own timid nature won over and I put the phone down. I tried calling her, too; same thing. I'm left with the same stupid, worthless feeling: i. Just. Can't.

It sucks. Royally.

Amazingly, God is giving me some kind of grace to be thankful for Rachel's ability to do what I can't instead of getting bitter about it. I sure hope and pray he keeps giving me such grace. I do not have a good track record of being grateful for friends who can do what I can't. :/

But God's doing something, obviously. I'm truly amazed that I'm not feeling bitter right now, although I am definitely feeling...kind of hurt I guess. Just hurt that I can't do what they can. it sucks.

So, God, here I am again, wondering what it is you want me to do. You have not gifted me with the courage of a prophet or the overwhelming compassion of...Well, YOU are the most overwhelmingly compassionate person in the Bible, I guess. So God, where do I fit. What is my calling. What have you gifted me with especially. Please help me not be bitter. Please help me stop living in the world of "If Only." In Jesus' name I ask it, Amen.

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023