Oy. Today is not a good day. Today is a lonely day.

How did I survive this as a kid? I guess I was never totally alone; Grandma and Grandpa or Mom and sometimes Sam were always nearby.

I didn't survive this well in my last year of college either. My last year of college was a horrendously lonely year. It feels a lot like now.

****************

12/16: Yesterday took a long time to be over and was, on the whole, not a good day. But I made a carrot cake and had a mini birthday party for my mom and got inspired for my calendar project for my mother-in-law. So it ended well... But it took until 7:30 to even start looking up. What a long, yucky day.

After Stephen went back to work (right about the same time I began this entry, actually), I put on Facebook that I liked that wrapping up in a blanket feels like a hug. That's probably the saddest, most intimate post I've ever put on Facebook, which is pretty incredible, considering how sad and lonely I'm usually feeling when I run to Facebook to feel quasi "connected" to people. Anyway, I wondered what kinds of responses I would get to something that was rather like a diary entry, at least in my mind. One friend of mine said, "I've been doing that a lot lately!" Another friend of mine said he had been hugging his fiancee a lot lately. And then my father-in-law, of all people, made the comment that got straight to the heart of the matter. "That's kind of sad? Where's Stephen?" he wrote.

YES, I wanted to say, It IS sad! And I said to God, "Thank you for somebody noticing!" Oy. I'm glad I get to see Stephen's family this weekend. And then it'll be Christmas week and things will get worlds better. Lord, I hope so.

God has been good to me, though. Sunlight shows up every morning. It usually goes away by the afternoon, but at least it's there for a time. It's smiling at me right now as it reflects, however palely, off a building across the apartment parking lot.

This winter has actually been a lot better than last winter. Last winter I survived by staring at the pages of a book called "Color Scheme Bible." So many beautiful colors! Even now I miss them terribly, but it's not quite as bad as last year. Thank God.

There was one other thing to say - oh yeah!! My sister gets to come home for Christmas! :D She finally got leave approved for the 20th thru the 30th. I feel sort of mixed about it; she's going to be different again and getting to know her will be weird again.

I need to get off this thing. I killed my eyes yesterday or the day before being on the computer too long; don't want to do it again. :/

-Stephanie

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