Ugh. Pregnancies everywhere.

Rachel and Ethan just had Isabella. Amy and Jon are due in a few weeks. Tori and Carlos just got pregnant. My best friend is pregnant. Just found out Beth and Chris from college are pregnant. My friend Charlotte from college is about halfway through her pregnancy. My old youth group friend, Camila, is pregnant, too. It's an epidemic!

And, here I am. Still not even remotely ready for children. Still can't even fathom the thought of BEING ready for children. And all my friends are starting their families.

I feel shafted. I feel like this is really, really unfair. I feel like I ought to be ready for kids; I'm the only one that has seriously considered the negative aspects! All the rest of my friends just go baby-crazy and forget that babies puke a lot, sleep for 2 hours at a time, need to be fed all the time, poop a lot, are extremely messy and wholly dependent upon you. And they grow into children and you can NEVER have your life back the way it was; you are constantly having to think of them. And my friends just throw it all to the wind and get pregnant. Don't they understand the implications? Don't they want to live a free, independent life for a while? What is this getting pregnant after only 2 or 3 years of marriage?!!

So that's where I'm at. And where my friends are at. I feel so completely left behind.

I just feel like a late bloomer. And I so hate that feeling...So much. I'm even married to a 30-year-old and I"m not ready. I HATE it so much.

Anyway. :(

I have nothing else to say on this topic.

In the meantime I'm still feeling completely out of place at my church. And I finally figured out why. It isn't just that there is NOBODY my age, in my place in life (read: married, not ready for children). Because I get along with older women just fine. It's the KIND of older women at the church that I can't relate to. It's because they are not theologically educated women. Just about all of them went to college. Just about all them went to Christian colleges. Yet they are totally not with it when it comes to theology or educated thought in general. It's because these women did not go to college to be educated (as I did). They did not go to college to learn (as I did). They went to college....to get married. To get their "MRS degree." These women did not pay attention in classes. These women did not go back to their rooms after class and mull over theology and other deep subjects they learned. They went back to their rooms and talked about which guys were the most marriageable and why.

This is why I do not jive with the women in my church. Oh, how I need intellectual stimulation!!! And a safe place to discuss Calvinistic theology that I don't necessarily agree with. Oh...How desperately...I could use that.

Lord, please bring me somebody like this!

-Stephanie

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