Gosh, I've been rather emotional this week.

I spent the week in my hometown with Stephen. We had a good time. Stephen helped Grandpa build a fence. I helped Grandma organize her pantry and prune her rose bushes. We met twice with my friend Rhonda, who Sam and I grew up with. I can't stop thinking about her. She's been through the gamut spiritually. She grew up in the Seventh Day Adventist tradition. Her current place is, in her own words, "open-minded" and "spiritual." For whatever reason, God has placed her particularly on my heart for a very, very long time. I've been trying to share the Gospel with her for virtually my entire life. Never successfully--but I'm so stubbornly convinced that she will come to accept it some day. I couldn't tell you why after several failed attempts I still believe this, other than it must be a God-given idea.

This last week, Steve and I had a very intense discussion about faith with her and I am still recovering. It was the first face-to-face faith confrontation I'd had with her for a very long time. A lot of things came out, about her, about Steve and I separately, and in the end we still hadn't given a full explanation of the Gospel to her. It was a difficult conversation. I came to the conclusion that in the future I may have to be the one who primarily does the sharing, since I more or less speak Rhonda's language. Stephen did most of the sharing this time around and much of what he said didn't reach her ears. I'm aware that God must open the hearts and minds of people in order for them to understand and accept the Gospel, but I know miscommunication when I see it, too, and I think we could have done a better job speaking her language. We nearly lost her when Stephen used one misspoken word. Thankfully, I was able to explain to Rhonda that he did not mean to be offensive, but that he uses what we would call very "loaded" words in a FAR broader way than most people do. It was a scary moment, though, and my mind is still haunted by the question: Did we lose her in that moment? The conversation continued, but I'm not sure where Rhonda's heart was.

It was also incredibly frustrating that we weren't able to explain the Gospel more fully and articulately. But we learned an awful lot about each other. Rhonda is eating up books like candy right now, and is even open to learning more about the Bible, but only in an objective setting. I wish very much that we lived in the same town so that we could take her to our church's Christianity Explored course. From everything I've heard (I haven't been yet myself), it is a very safe, open environment to ask the really hard questions about Christianity. I think Rhonda would really benefit from it--if only she lived over here.

Despite the mistakes, I left the conversation fully convinced that we had done absolutely everything in our power to share the Gospel with her, and the rest will be up to her and God. I don't believe our faith conversations are over, but I also don't believe there was anything we left out, and that in further conversations, the same things will be revisited.

The one thing Rhonda really, really needs to get a hold of, which we were not successful in helping her do, is that our faith is NOT about "being good." That is her understanding of Christianity--which makes sense, as she comes from an SDA background--and though we tried with all our might to explain to her that it is NOT about being good, the link was still missed. But again--I have hope for her. The conversations are not over. And, Lord willing, next time I will be able to primarily do the talking and perhaps explain better that it isn't about what we do, it's about what Christ did.

Anyway.... I feel as though there is one more step I could take to explain things to Rhonda, but as of yet, I'm not sure what it is. I expect God to tell me eventually, if there is anything more I can do, but until then, all I can do is wait and pray. And I pray a lot. Every time she comes to mind, I start praying. I'll pray after this blog is over.

:P So. Lord God, it's your turn now.

-Stephanie

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