Now this is an interesting thing.

On Facebook, there's an application called MyType. It's about the Myers-Briggs test; it's basically a place where people can come to take the test and then discuss their results with other MyType members. It's probably one of my favorite places to go on Facebook. Absolutely fascinating!

So today on the discussion boards, somebody (an ENTP) posted two songs, one he called "sad" and one he called "inspirational." He posted them as a sort of experiment--the question of his experiment was "See if you don't listen to these two songs and come away from more inspired for your day!" Being an N, he's pretty idealistic and abstract (no, seriously, these are the things the test tells you about people!) and probably wasn't expecting reactions from SFs like me that are connected to concrete, real-life, still-present pain.

So I'm going to ruin the test for you and tell you what the songs were, so I can explain this story. The first song was Evanescence's "My Immortal." The second song was Nickelback's "If Today Was Your Last Day."

Well, I'll let my response to the discussion thread explain to you how these two songs in sequence affected me:

I made myself listen to the first one so I could do the experiment, even though I already knew how it would probably affect me. It was the last song they played at my senior prom; my ex and I danced to it and I cried, because I was in the middle of trying to break up with him and his reaction...The lyrics of the first song...sounded just like him, like his words over the months I tried to break up with him. Suffice to say I didn't feel just sad as I listened to the song; I felt a whole range of difficult emotions.

Then as I played the second video, I was still mentally/emotionally in the middle of the situation with my ex, and the second song seemed way too "happy." It sounded more clang-y than inspirational. I only listened to the first minute or so until I had to turn it off. A better song to hear after hearing the first one would have been one of comfort, so I could regroup and remember I'm not there anymore. In fact, I'm going to go search my music for songs like that now.

I wasn't trying to criticize his test, although he took it that way. :/ I feel kinda bad for that. But he didn't take it very personally (he's an ENT...they don't take stuff personally), he just said, "Well, feel free to post a song you think is more inspirational."

I can't do that, of course, unless I want to open myself up to a discussion I don't want to enter into. The song I went to after I stubbornly made myself listen all the way through "My Immortal" was "God is God" by Steven Curtis Chapman.

"Oh, how great are the riches
Of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable
For to Him and through Him and from Him are all things.
So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone!"

What an immense comfort it is to me to worship a God such as that. (The Steven Curtis Chapman lyrics are based on Romans 11:33.)

-Stephanie

Dear God, I just wish I could know, you know? I just wish I could have a window into the present life of my ex so I could just see and be assured that he's moved on. Just one little glimpse of him happy and having moved on, and then I could have my closure. What do you think is best for me, Lord? I need this closure, but I understand it might not come this side of eternity. Your child, Stephanie

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