My emotions surprise me sometimes.

I just started crying while talking to my best friend on Facebook about not feeling ready for kids while everyone around me is having them. I knew I was sad, but I didn't expect to cry.

I cried because I had to admit my deepest feelings to a real somebody other than my husband. It was healing, but it's never easy.

Liz told me a couple valuable things. She had baby fever for about a year before they actually started trying. Mine, I suppose, has officially started now, so maybe next year? :)

I didn't think I'd be the girl to be this way. But I also didn't expect it to hurt so much to fully realize that I am "behind" my peers. Stephanie, "the smart one," never knew what it felt like to be "behind" her peers.

That sounds super arrogant, LOL, but it's not supposed to be. I was behind in many ways in high school and college (socially & emotionally), but that wasn't my focus--grades were my focus, and in those I was always above average.

Now I'm in the nonacademic realm and it's quite different out here. In anything nonacademic, I am decidedly behind.

Oh well. Liz helped me feel better. She reminded me that God will provide when the time is right. I have been hoping in this for the last almost three years, of course, but I very much needed my best friend, who is ahead of me, to remind me of this. Now I realize that her life didn't happen magically in the way she wanted it to, either. What a relief.

I guess that's all I have to say for now...I'm thankful for my best friend, and for God leading me to talk to her today. Yes. Thank You, Lord.

-Stephanie

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