Ugh. That was not a happy way to end my day.

Crystal doesn't want my writing. That's okay. It really is. I just wish she had been more specific about why.

She obviously didn't understand why I wasn't giving her one. She won't give me any more specific expectations until I quote her a price, but I can't quote her a price until she gives me more specific expectations. After trying to ask her nicely about her expectations twice and getting the same response, I do not have a whole lot of will to carry on with this. I think she either thinks I'm a scammer or is just looking for someone a whole lot more professional than I am, which I don't hold against her. I just wish she'd said so.

I've been deeply discouraged with corporations and businesses three times today. I'm still unhappy with the craft store's handling of their situation, now this thing with Crystal making demands I can't fulfill, and finally today at work I learned how little interest our store owner takes in our store. He maintains it at a "bare minimum," were his exact words, and I can see that it's true. The design room is really in shambles, the stairs to the basement are treacherous, the front porch of the store is sagging, and all we have to offer the public eye in the way of curbside appeal is a tiny little patch of dirt where almost nothing grows. Right now there's some kind of small, pink-flowering bush growing there, and in the early spring there were a handful of tulips and hyacinths, but the rest is just dirt.

That wasn't even the most discouraging bit I heard today at work, come to think of it. What really, deeply bothered me was when I learned that businesses don't usually allow their employees stools to sit on. At least not in the floral design business. Do you know why? Because it makes them work slower. That is so disturbing to me. What kind of business treats its workers that way? It makes me so angry.

Domino's is one thing. Holy cow, you're moving so fast, who has time to sit down?! But a floral design shop, especially in its not-busy times? And yet that's the rule.

On top of all this, Stephen has been gone all day long. On the one hand, I've appreciated the time to be my own person and see what I do when Stephen is gone literally all day and I have no guarantee of any time with him. On the other hand, it's hard to not have him to come home to when I get off work or when I'm dealt rather cruel blows of reality, like I have been today. On the other hand, having to deal with my grief alone makes me remember who I am. I feel closer today to the person I was in college, and stronger, than I do when Stephen is around. So all in all, it was good for me.

Well, I've got to go. I've been at this computer for way too long today, and I can't do anything about Crystal's latest e-mail until I talk it over with Steve and/or hear back from Steve's mom. I do know that I am not able to respond well to this e-mail without first hearing from people who know more about business relationships than I do.

-Stephanie

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