Ugh. Here's the dilemma.

Yesterday the assistant manager was supposed to get back to me about my schedule for next week. She didn't, so I called the craft store at 7 ish p.m. and asked if my assistant manager was still there. They asked who I was, so I said, "Stephanie *********. I'm the new floral designer. I'm supposed to start next week but I haven't received my schedule yet."

She sent me over to a couple people, and eventually one woman told me to call back tomorrow after 12 and ask for my assistant manager. Just as we were about to hang up, she added, "Oh, and ________ says not to go around telling people you're the new floral designer."

I was so shocked I didn't think to ask why. I just said, "Okay," and that was the end of it.

Afterward, I realized what she meant. That probably means they have neither fired the old floral designer nor told her she was going to be fired.

I got angry. What kind of way is that to treat an employee? It was neither professional nor honest. And all of a sudden I really, really did not want this job. In an angry kind of way.

Today I am still feeling angry about it, although I've calmed down somewhat. Yesterday I was planning on quitting today; today I am indecisive. My heart says don't take it; they treat their employees like trash, and you don't want to be part of that. My head says, what if they don't treat me the same way? There's no evidence to say they would other than the way they're treating their current designer.

Stephen and I talked about 3 options last night. 1) Quit by way of a letter, professionally written and detailing the reasons for my decision, 2) Stay at the job, but confront the manager and tell her about my concerns, 3) Ignore everything and go with the original plan.

I'm terrible at confrontations, although that seems like the best route. Plus, I do not want to burn any bridges, and I'm scared to death that'll be the flame that starts the fire. I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle it in the professional way I'd need to.

I keep wondering what God is trying to tell me with all this.

I called Mom to chat with her about it. She told me I don't know the situation, which I agree with. What I was really calling for was to gauge her feel about whether or not they might treat me the same way. The read I got on her was basically, there's no way to know. That's her usual philosophy on life.

I'm pretty sure I know what Steve's mom would say already. We just talked to her a couple nights ago. She suggested the "take a shot at it" plan that I adopted and reminded us that we don't need the job to feed ourselves or keep a roof over our heads.

I guess I still don't have anything to lose if I stay there for a while and get fired or quit after a few weeks. Their good opinion? I never had it. Some nice extra money? I don't need it. A black mark on my resume? Stephen says I'm not required to include it as long as I keep my current job.

So I guess it's still Plan A: Give It a Shot. There's still a lot of unknowns right now.

...I finally got my schedule for next week. Wednesday and Thursday, 4:30-9:30. So God has answered my prayers for at least one week, as far as the Bible study goes. :) But holy cow, that's going to be horrendous traffic!! Maybe I ought to leave at 3:00 and just hang out for a while in the vicinity.

Thank goodness this ball is finally rolling.

-stephanie

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