You learn something new every day.

So Beth was awkward when...uh..."he" hugged her when we came back from May-Mac??

Mr. Weird, she called him. Or Weird Person. It was almost humorous. I kept wondering if she did that because she was uncomfortable saying his name around me, or if she did that just like I would say, "Here's Liz being a weirdo!"

You know... I think it really did me good to have a totally casual visit with her. (Well, it got kinda serious at the end.) I learned a lot. She of course talked about Justin a lot. But the way she talked about him really told me a lot. They really are close, but just close friends.

And that was the weirdest thing in the world to learn. Now, when I imagine them ending up getting married (yes, that thought still reigns in my mind), it doesn't really... surprise/bother me as much.

We talked a lot. Like I feared, I usually managed to clam up when "his" name was mentioned-- if I didn't physically, I certainly did in my mind, even if I kinda forced a laugh at what she was telling me whatever it was she was saying at that moment. I don't know if she picked that up or not... If she didn't, all the better. Maybe she'll be more open to talking about him with me and I'll learn more. But I hope it's face-to-face and not online... Talking to her in IM always lets my imagination wander WAY more than it should. :(

What was the other thing I was gonna say? Shoot-- oh! Oh.... Yeah...

Holy cow. The devil is working on me already! My mind is starting to revert to my old ways of thinking about Beth and Justin. You know... The old jealousy is rising up again. That's so awful.... Picturing her talking very openly about him suddenly made it come back. :( That's not cool. When will it stop, Lord??

Okay. I guess I will have to keep a strong hold on the memories of what exactly she said to me at her house today. Those things that made me realize they're just friends and perhaps they won't wind up together after all. Or, if they do, it won't hurt too bad. I suppose if I write those things down then I will remember them better. But they will go in my real diary.

Sorry. I am just rambling. I know I talk about these two a lot. They are the biggest struggle in my life right now, and so my mind is on them a lot. (Stands to reason, doesn't it?)

I had the worst case of insomnia last night. :P I think perhaps it might've been because I was nervous about going to Beth's house today. Anyway, I tossed and turned and turned and tossed for a long, long time. I tried so many things to get to sleep! Finally, I remembered this thing I read in a book called E-mail From God For Teens. It basically said, "Don't count sheep, pray!" and talked about how God is awake and ready to listen and help us all the time. So I tried that.... It worked. I just prayed for all the situations and people I could think of, and drifted off to sleep within a half hour. I know that sounds kind of bad... But I don't think God minds that, really. Besides, He'd listen and answer the things you ask before you fall sleep anyway, I betcha anything! :)

So anyway. I think that's all I have to write for today... P.S. Thanks, Heather, for the new layout!

-Stephanie