You know, it's really confusing trying to add a cast page onto my diary. But I did it. But now I have to write a new entry so it'll take the cast page off of sunnyrain828.diaryland.com, because the computer thinks that is the most recent entry. :P Dumb computer....

I don't have everyone on the list that's my friends; just the main people that I talk about. Sorry it's so long! I have lots to write about a certain three people. :)

I wonder what those three people would say if they read this, though? I have been contemplating that question for a while now. I've been trying to figure out whether or not I should tell my friends I got an online diary... I'm sure they'd all love to see it... But what would they think of what I write in it?

That reminds me of yesterday. Beth told me Saturday that she wanted to show me her prayers that she said for me during the rougher times with her (she writes them down, like I do). Wow, that was a little unnerving! What would I think of them? I didn't really want to remember that time....

Then yesterday she was looking through a whole bunch of stuff for a card she made Justin, and she found those prayers.

"Oh, here's those prayers I told you about!" she said.

Uh oh..., I thought. My eyes found the bedspread as sudden discomfort immediately had me stroking Peaches' fur nervously. Is she going to show them to me? I don't know if it'll be good for me to see them! But as I thought this, I beheld a quite surprising event. She seemed to be stalling.

"I was reading through these yesterday night," she said hesitantly. That was all. She continued skimming through them. "Here, I prayed for your grandpa, you know when you told me that his brother died..."

"Oh, yeah!" I said, trying to put on a cover of enthusiasm. I didn't remember asking her to pray for him.... Guess she did anyway.... Hm.

"And, here, about you and Adrien's friendship...," she continued. She still wasn't handing them over for me to read.

I smiled at the memory of how far Adrienand I have come in becoming friends (story in the cast page). But I was still dreading the moment when she would find where she prayed for the friendship between me and her.

"And here I prayed just for you," she said. I detected a hint of hesitation there, too. She was rethinking her decision to give me the prayers to read.

Sure enough, the next thing she said was, "Maybe I'll show these to you another time... When..." She never finished her sentence, but I knew what she was thinking: When, perhaps, you'll be a bit more ready to see them.

PHEW!!

Regardless my relief, my face burned as I looked back down to Peaches, purring under my stroking hand. I wasn't ready. And she knew I wasn't ready.

When would I ever be ready? When would I--we--get over this wall I built?

I'll have to record that in my (other) diary... I forgot about that moment before I started typing it in here.

Anyway.... There. I have completed an entry to cover the cast page. :)

-Stephanie

:::Template currently under construction:::