God sent me a HUGE "I love you" message on Sunday. It made my entire week. Every time I think of it I get this big grin I just can't hide.

I was in choir all up through school. I love to sing. I had to quit choir my last semester of college to stay on top of my schoolwork, which was a crushing decision to have to make. Somehow, choir is where I feel most at home. Then I graduated, and obviously I haven't been in a choir since. Besides that, I've been afraid to audition for any city choirs. First of all, that's a lot of commitment and I have a different life now. But also, I'm scared to death I'm not good enough. I feel as if I got into choirs throughout school on charity, because I always audition so poorly, and I don't think the city will be as forgiving.

On top of this, the people at my church, for some reason, are afraid to sing. They sing, no doubt, but their singing is so timid! Never in my life have I attended such a timid church when it comes to singing. So for the last 3 years I've been blending in with the crowd, being careful to not let my voice be heard above them. And I definitely started to doubt whether or not I could even sing at all. Perhaps my voice was already dropping, as a soprano voice does when a woman gets older.

I was thinking all these things as I sang in church on Sunday, and finally beginning to believe them. It was just a matter of resolving myself that these beliefs were truth, and the belief that I could sing well based on a video I once saw of myself was just the video tape distorting my voice to make it prettier. (A tad illogical, I know...Usually the opposite is more likely! :) )

After the sermon, I had all but forgotten these sad thoughts about singing and my head was instead full of theological ponderings and passion for the Gospel, as it usually is when church lets out. Stephen and I were walking out the door talking about it, when a man came out the door after us and stopped us. "Are you the couple that was sitting near us?" he asked.

Stephen and I weren't sure, as we hadn't greeted him when it was meet-and-greet time. But the man seemed pretty sure we were the couple he had seen. And he said to me, "You have a beautiful voice!" With all the genuine joy one could display. And he said it three times.

My mouth just fell open in astonishment. Somehow I managed to respond, through my shock and joy, "Thank you!" all three times he said it, with all the energy I could put into those two insufficient words.

All the way to the car and all the way home I continued to try and process aloud this incredible, unexpected blessing to Stephen. There was no way Stephen could naturally understand what that meant to me, so I tried to explain it about 50 different ways. :D Even so, all he could do was just laugh happily, shake his head, and say, "I love you!" over and over again, in that "I don't understand this, but I love you so much for being so passionate about it!" way. Haha!

It was so unforeseen and unsought after that there wasn't any conclusion to be drawn except that it was God. :) What a huge "I love you"!! It literally has changed my life. Next Sunday, in church, I'm going to sing just as boldly as if I were at NNU chapel or my church at home. I do not care that everybody else is so timid. I'm going to praise the Lord with all my heart!!

One last note. Singing is truly the way I worship God best. I feel closest to Him when I sing. God has blessed me with a sweet voice and musical talent, and I will sing to the Lord with all my heart without public recognition, because that is His private gift to me to use to worship Him. <3 <3 <3

When do you feel closest to God?

-Stephanie

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