"Me: How do you get away from the mentality of buying gifts for people act Christmas simply because 'that's what you do at Christmastime'?

"Jen: You just stop the cultural needless spending, and/or donate in their name to a charity. A year or two later, the expectation disappears. Emphasize the hope, joy and community of the season by planning a celebration with your most treasured friends - buying gifts is not allowed. White elephant exchanges can be both frugal and funny!"

A Facebook post. I deleted it, though, because I'm afraid it might get around to my family that I asked that on Facebook (although I made it so they couldn't see it), and I have gotten in trouble with my family for saying things about gifts and Christmas on Facebook before. Worst day of my LIFE, please don't ask about it! (Not that you were going to...But I just feel that strongly about it.)

Anyway.... I have already bought some presents for my family this year, but I'm at a place where I am ready to get away from it, because it doesn't have meaning anymore. My family wants quality time with me, not gifts, and I can't give that to them because they live too far away, so sending gifts just totally loses its meaning. It wasn't ever the gifts that were the act of love in the first place.

But I'm left with one question. If I don't give my family gifts and I can't spend time with them, how do I best show them that I love them around the holidays? What can I do that is more than a generic Christmas letter? How I wish I knew!! :(

Interestingly, there are a couple of people I would still want to buy gifts for to show them love. Not because of obligation--but because that is the best way I can think of to show them love. Rhonda is one of these people. She mentioned how much she likes multi-color palettes of eyeshadow, and I know where I can get some very cheaply. But I'd like to give her a lot more than a simple gift of makeup. I'd like to give that girl a brand-new start in life.

And my sister. My sister is just fun to buy for, because we like the same things, and I know what will make her happy.

My mom is another person I might best show love for through gifts, because we have a funny relationship where we can't ever speak words with deep meaning behind them--but a good gift would say a lot of what we can't let ourselves say in words. (I realize that's totally dysfunctional...Still waiting for the right moment to change that.)

But there isn't anybody else that I love dearly that I could best show them that love in a gift. Everybody else I know hears "I love you" best through quality time or acts of service.

So...Christmas is so messed up this year. But I have a feeling I'll have whatever it is I need to figure out, figured out by next year. Sometimes it seems like you have to ride on several rough roads before you find your way to the smooth one. (I hate that. I want to turn on all the right roads and avoid all the rough ones! :) )

This is something I need to learn: C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N!

-Stephanie

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