Wow! Lots going on in my head today. Church was good. Paul talked about the Day of the Lord and how we need to be ready for it (but that doesn't mean we need to quit our jobs, etc.) and how we as Christians can have joy and hope in that great and terrible Day. It made me think a lot about how I can be readier for Christ's coming. Paul made a good point about that: He talked about the Women's Retreat (that our church does every year), and how if he had NO idea, NONE, when Chris, his wife, would be coming home from it, he'd work to keep the house cleaner. Whereas, when he does know when she's returning, he tends to let the house go, with a kind of, "I'll clean the house up at Chris's Time of Arrival minus 2 hours!" mentality about it.

I thought it was a good point. That aspect of absolutely not knowing when Christ is going to return would make you want to keep your "house" cleaner, so to speak, and it made Jesus' parable to that effect (about the master coming home to his servants) make more sense.

So I thought to myself, what could I be doing to be "readier"? And I think that's up to God to reveal to me personally, which I'm okay with. So I'll be waiting to hear from Him, sort of, on that point.

Anyway, then after church we went to a meeting with the people who run the small group program that meets on Sundays at our church. It's kind of complicated, but the topic of the meeting is, what are we going to take our small group through? And the bottom line was, the guy who heads up the small group program and Stephen disagree on what we should take them through. I'm with Stephen, but I know where Harry is coming from. Our group is from the "older" crowd (around 50-60 years old), and this is a pretty intensive worldview study, set up like a college classroom. There is something that Harry is afraid of about taking our group of older folks through it, but he hasn't shared with us what it is. (Stephen's idea, by the way, is going through the Truth Project, www.thetruthproject.org.) I wish we would've thought to ask him in the meeting today. Too often, I pick up vibes from somebody when they're putting out hints and don't think to ask them to unveil themselves further, because my family doesn't work like that. But that would've been really useful. :P

Anyway, it ended at a stalemate for now. Harry said he's going to think and pray about it for a few days, then give us a call. The study starts September 23rd, so we have to come to a mutual decision before then.

One blessing--our old group leader, James, was there with us, and he backed Stephen up. James has seen a few of the Truth Project sessions, and he said he has faith in Stephen. Wow, was that ever wonderful to have! James' insight carries a lot of weight with Harry, and he became much more open to consideration.

--Whoa. Random huge flash of insight!

In this information age, where you can "just Google" absolutely anything, it's really, really easy to withhold from forming your own opinions on things, and instead just look up all the evidence for both sides so you can "discuss it," and then never make a personal decision on whether you agree or disagree. I do this not just with Google, but with my husband as well. For example, when I run into a "What's the word I want?" spot in my writing, instead of thinking hard until I come up with what the word is, I'll just ask Stephen and agree with whatever he tells me.

I've made a decision. I don't want to live that way anymore. I want to sit, think, and draw a conclusion. I don't want to fling my mind back flippantly to what I saw on Google or Facebook newsfeed or what I heard from the pulpit or from Stephen. I'm making my own decisions now.

I've already chosen my center to grow outward from, the part that isn't going to change: Christ, and the purpose of the Cross, as disclosed, not just in the Gospels, but in the entire Bible-- Epistles, Old Testament, Wisdom Literature, and all. Everything in the Bible points in some way to Christ and the Cross. Now I'm going to let that center influence what I see around me. And in that order, too--the world is not going to affect my center. My center is going to affect my world. No more sitting on the fence, having grandiose intellectual discussions that never go anywhere. My faith is going to have fire behind it.

In a lot of ways this already started, way back when Rhonda was staying with us. At one point, Rhonda, frustrated and emotional, asked me why we couldn't just have a discussion on spiritual things. And I told her, "Because our discussions have to go somewhere. They can't just end in ambiguity. There has to be a conclusion drawn."

I think I've been here a long time, underneath, in hibernation. It's just that I'm ready, now, to step out of my metaphorical cave and look straight into my environment. I'm anchored now.

Woohoo!! Spiritual mini high! LOL. But I'm not blind to the adversity that lies ahead of me. I already know it's out there. Now I am anchored enough to face it.--

"Just Google it" has something to do with instant gratification, too. The phrase "I don't need to think about it; there's the answers right there!" comes to mind.

Wow, I wish I could type all this out, right now, but there's so much that I can't! Gotta process internally a bit more, I guess.

So, bye for now. :)

-Stephanie

Snippets of thoughts (ignore this part; this is the brainstorm section):

The Gospels leave one giant question unanswered: What is the purpose of the Cross? Some of Jesus' words allude to it, but the rest of the Bible explains it more fully.

This is my starting place. This is what I'm staking my life on. This is me putting all my chips in. Staking everything on one claim.

No more waffling, wavering, equivocating, sitting on the fence, noncommittal...

Spiritual stages, this is a new one.

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