So I wrote yesterday, but never posted it, so here I am writing in the same entry on the next day. :) Here's yesterday's entry:

Well. I just finished reading through the first 5 years of this journal.

Phew!

I've stopped now because the last 5 years feels like a separate time. First five=Before Stephen. Second five=After Stephen. Such a decisive point in my life. I spent my entire teenage and college years looking for love, then I found it, and it was the end of an era, for sure.

It makes me wonder what will be the next major marker for my life. And whether any of the rest of my life will be quite as definitive as that first era.

In short, I am considering starting a new journal. The After-Stephen journal. The Grown-Up Stephanie journal. And possibly copy-and-pasting all my After-Stephen entries in it to start it--or at least from when we got engaged. I feel like it would be a good move away from everything that defined me before Stephen.

But part of what keeps me going on an online journal at all is a feeling of continuity. In one entry, I wrote, "I am every age that I ever was," reflecting the fluid, connected way I view myself. And yet I do want to get away from the angsty person I used to be. I mean, I'm still angsty sometimes, but not nearly as much as I used to be.

But I'm pretty sure if I started a new online journal, it wouldn't last long at all.

So I'm just considering it.

-------------------
Sept 13: Oh my. I am exhausted.

Today I played chauffeur for a friend, Heidi. I took her to a job "interview" of sorts at 10:30. I don't have the energy to explain it, but it was for housecleaning.

After I dropped her off, I took Genevieve to the vet, because she hasn't been acting well. Doc thinks it's a reaction to the steroid they gave her (Vetlog), but not the flea medicine, so that's good.

Then at 1:45ish I picked Heidi up from her job, and took her north a ways. We grabbed a quick lunch at Taco Bell and then off she walked to her next housecleaning job while I drove myself over to the library for my volunteer work.

She's coming over Tuesday. Or I might meet her somewhere. I need to run that by her, see if she's got the money to eat out, because we'd be able to talk more that way.

Anyway, then I checked in books at the library for two hours. Then I came home...And remembered that the Women's Bible Study starts tonight, and I want to go, but I don't really have the money to buy the materials yet. But I should next week. Stephen and I both get paid tomorrow.

I'm hoping the Bible Study will be more relaxing than trying like the rest of today has been. And I am going to sleep like a ROCK tonight. :P

Tomorrow my mom is taking me out to lunch, and then later I have the library again in the afternoon.

Saturday I was planning on taking myself shopping, but my MaryKay representative texted to tell me she's having an Open House for all her clients on Saturday, which sounds pretty fun, so I think I'll go there instead.

I'm just so exhausted. Part of me doesn't want to go to the Bible Study, but it's mostly the driving part I'm not super excited about. :P I've been driving a LOT today.

Pray for me!

And pray for us. Our American Express bill is going to be HUGE this pay cycle because of fixing my car's air conditioning and two visits to the vet for Genevieve. I'm a little worried where that's going to put us financially. :S

Somehow it still feels somewhat good to be this tired. It means I had a full day. And I like that.

But I still feel like I can't take anything more today... :/

-Stephanie

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