Oy.

This is one of those "I'm just going to have to Diaryland it" days.

I met with Heidi today for lunch. I wasn't super excited about it at first, but for some reason I felt like I should go.

We talked for about 4 hours.

Well, mostly she talked, and I asked billions of questions. Heidi has a funny way of communicating--kind of random and vague and hard to follow a lot of the time. So I had to ask lots of questions for clarity and I am STILL not sure exactly what she was saying for most of the day! ????

Anyway, I unfortunately heard some bad news about some old friends of mine. :( I don't think I want to share their names right now, but basically, one of our old friends (Heidi and I went to youth group together for a couple years) has gone off the deep end and is rebelling against God. :( That was sad to hear. I don't even know what to do about that. She lives in the area, but has, in Heidi's words, "distanced herself from the Christian community." It's just. So. Sad.

And another mutual friend of ours........Errrrg it makes me angry even to think about. Her husband...is not treating her well. At all. Not physical abuse, but manipulation and control, and basically being completely immature. And that just makes me so mad, because my friend is trying so, so, so, so, so hard to be a good wife. She doesn't really know what to do about his attitude and everything and boy, oh boy, do I wish I could make her take a stand for herself!! But I don't have that kind of relationship with her. But it sounds almost bad enough that I'm going to have to check with her sister (who I am close to and who I think she would trust more than anybody) to see what's going on and see if I might want to meet up with her and maybe have a heart-to-heart :/ It really does not sound good.

Anyway. The other news I heard was related to my friend who has gone off the deep end. I imagine this rebellion stage she's in was largely brought on by the (shocking to most who knew them) divorce of her parents shortly after she graduated from high school. Heidi told me some of why her parents divorced, and it is too depressing to even repeat here. :( I hate watching the world fall apart. Especially in the Christian community. That just...errrg.

At any rate, besides our old friends, Heidi talked a lot about her boyfriend, who is a new Christian from a works-driven faith background. He really wants to grow forward in his faith, but doesn't know how to do that without resorting to that same works-driven mentality. Stephen senses a niche we might be able to fill with that. So we're going to invite them over for dinner and a movie night in, probably. I'm going to have to call Heidi and ask her about good times and days.

So anyway....Let me share this analogy. Stephen has a five-year-old laptop that, up until last week, he was doing all his photo editing on. And photo editing requires one heck of a processor, and Stephen's processor was not up to par. It practically choked every time Stephen tried to export his RAW photos into JPEG files.

I feel like that processor today. I live basically a hermit life, and my social muscle is severely underdeveloped. I am so. Out. Of practice. So four hours of conversation, especially when Heidi tends to be speak in very vague terms, was just a LOT to handle. I'm not sure how I'm going to recover, but dear Lord, I sure hope I do, because we're going to have to do this again. :P (Aaahhh!! Brain! Exploding!)

So keep my poor brain in mind, with its severely underdeveloped social muscle, that it will process through these crazy conversations as quickly as possible (and will hopefully get stronger!). And pray for my friends. :( Particularly the one whose marriage I am afraid for. I really want to have an up front conversation with her if that's in God's will (and how am I supposed to know if it is? :/ ).

-Stephanie

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