Fun stuff first: Today was my 16-week appointment and Stephen got to come in and hear the baby's heartbeat for himself. It weirded him out at first! LOL! Like, "There's something IN you?! With a heartbeat?!" That kind of weirded out. Silly boy. :) And what was different and cool for me this appointment was that it took forever to find baby's heartbeat, because it was totally upside down!! She found the heartbeat way down low. And then the really cool, fun thing was that we did hear really random "swish" sounds while she tried to find the heartbeat, and she said that's its arms or legs flying by! That baby's really moving in there! I can't feel it yet, but I will soon. :) So now I'm finally at the fun part of pregnancy... Yay! :)

And now for the more serious stuff. It's amazing how many questions come up once the idea of carrying a little person into your life really starts to sink in. My first trimester, I didn't think at all about the long-term questions surrounding baby. I was too busy obsessing over how to keep myself fed and from becoming nauseous! But now that I'm feeling better, I'm starting to realize how much I haven't thought about yet.

Today the question of whether or not I'm going to go back to work after baby comes settled in my brain to stay for a while. I've never had any qualms about quitting for a time just to survive the first 3 months as a new mom (I don't really have anything akin to "maternity leave" at my job, I don't think--company is too small), and I sort of vaguely thought, "After that, I'll just see how I feel!"

And the reason I've treated the question so lightly up to now is because I've mostly felt rather like a "disposable" employee, LOL--just that I'm mostly extra help, and not really a needed employee, if you know what I mean.

But I'm starting to realize now that I've moved pretty well past "disposable" status with my boss, now that I've really learned my way around the shop and gotten better at designing. My boss honestly seems to appreciate me, and I know my coworkers do. I'm valued there.

So it puts me in a quandary! The idea of leaving them means a lot more than it used to now. It would be so sad! And the other thing is, I really, really do love my job and wouldn't mind continuing to work two or so days a week.

So that's the pro-work side of it. The pro-SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) side of it is 1) Stephen has always wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom, 2) I might actually find, after baby comes, that I prefer to be a stay-at-home-mom, and 3) going back to work would mean finding childcare. Which is killer expensive, especially around here, and would probably eat my paycheck right up (and maybe then some...it is only minimum wage).

SO.... Ponder ponder ponder! This is only one of the things that has come up. Some of the other questions I'm finding myself thinking through on a much more serious level are:

1) To homeschool or not to homeschool? (And if not, what?)
2) If we don't find a house, what on earth is our Plan B?
3) What are the real monthly finances going to look like once baby comes? How are we going to afford it all without going into debt?

There are lots of sub-questions under those questions, but those are the main headings.

Other things I'm trying to deal with, sort of, is getting back to the swing of house work! I have been utterly useless around the house for the last 4 months.

So yeah... Life's interesting right now. Lots to think about. Also have Bible study starting up soon, which will be a different experience this year. In past years I've always been able to give undivided attention to whatever Bible studies I was a part of. Now I've got baby stuff on the brain. I'm excited about the study, but I know I'll be quite distracted sometimes!

All righty, dinner time. Hubby made homemade hamburgers. :)

-Stephanie

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