Saved by Grace

Social Frustrations
10:36 p.m. || February 18, 2015

My friend Sara is planning another girls' night for her and her mom friends. I'm included in the invitation. I went once or twice while I was pregnant. It's a little overwhelming. All the other moms have kids who are at least 2 years old, most of them have 3- to 5-year-olds. One of them has a 1.5-year-old in addition to her 3-year-old, but nobody is a "new" mom like me. They all vent to each other about the temper tantrums their kids throw, or laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the things they say or do.

The latest invitation conversation has been going on for a few days now, trying to pin down a date. Now that they have one (the 28th), Sara says, "So who's in?"

I've been waffling over it for ever and haven't said a word in the conversation thus far. But I figure since she's looking for RSVPs now I better say something. I decide no, I'd rather not, so I say, "I don't think so... I would miss Micah's bedtime, and that would make me sad." Which is totally true. But also a convenient excuse.

The conversation follows thus:

Christina: Come after Stephanie! You are probably due for some mom time!
Sara: Yup, come over once the little guy is tucked in!

For some reason, Christina's comment of "You are probably due for some mom time!" really irritates me. I have to take a minute to calm down before I can think of a non-inflammatory response.

Me: That could be anywhere between 8:30 and 10:30....

Which is also totally true. And the idea of venturing out after dark and after we've finally put Micah to bed and our own bedtime is not far behind just does not appeal to me at all. Especially since I'm already tired from today and wanting to go to bed.

Jozi: So you and I will get there at the same time Stephanie, I'm coming from Salem that day. You're definitely overdue, come on over and give all of us worn and jaded moms your last morsel of waking energy!

I love Jozi. She's one of my favorite mom friends. So I'm already predisposed to like her response, and I'm with her right up until...."your last morsel of waking energy."

I really thought she was going to say, "Come on over and give all of us worn and jaded moms the fresh perspective and joy of a first-time mom." Which would have been super encouraging and made me actually consider coming.

Instead she lights on one of the things already making me not want to go: sheer tiredness.

And what does that even mean, I'm overdue for some mom time? I don't have a temper tantrum thrower. I don't have a toddler just realizing his own independence (and manifesting his own sinful nature). I don't even have a sleepless baby anymore. I'm at a perfect point--right after the newborn difficulties and right before the toddler difficulties. And the last thing I want is to ruin my current gratefulness by spending 2 or 3 hours with a bunch of women who just sit around complaining about their kids.

I suppose if Micah has a bad day that day, I'll be grateful for the moms' night.

Sigh.

Sara has also been the one trying to pull me into a thing at our church called Coffee Break. It's basically the same thing as the girls' night, only with childcare.

I've already touched on my issues with childcare.

And a lot of the moms there have even older kids. And complain about the public school system. Which we may not even end up using.

Although a few moms with babies do show up.

But they probably put their babies in childcare now. And would probably look at me sideways for not putting an 8 month old in childcare.

What if I don't need a break?

What if I'm happy where I'm at?

What if I don't want to get pulled into their discontent?

What if I don't want to listen to all their expectations?

Arrgh.

I'll mentally put myself as a maybe. But I'll let them keep guessing until the date gets closer.

Grumpy.

Bedtime.