Quotes taken from Every Young Woman�s Battle, by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn.

(Now I feel better; I'm not plagiarizing. The quotes from this book are definitely not my own.)

I saw the title for this chapter and thought, �Oh boy. I so don�t need someone else telling me I need to find Mr. Right.� I almost didn�t read it because it would remind me how single I am.

But, as it turned out�and by now, I honestly should expect this�I got a LOT out of this chapter! So much good advice and a lot of things about marriage I needed to be reminded of.

Underneath the quotations are my own notes and reactions, copied from my prayer journal. Parentheses inside quotations also indicate my own notes.

�Even if you do not choose wisely and marry Mr. Wrong, when you recite your wedding vows, he automatically becomes your Mr. Right.�

WHOA. Choose wisely!!
Marriage is NOT something to be toyed with! Remember when Jesus said no man should divorce his wife except for infidelity? That means even if you discover you don�t like him, YOU ARE STUCK WITH HIM. Forever. CHOOSE WISELY!!
Even if you realize you made a mistake� After the wedding vows, it�s a final thing.

Five things to look for in a husband:
�1. Spiritual maturity and Christlike character. If he�s going to be the spiritual leader of your household someday, spiritual maturity should be at the top of your wish list.�

Wish list. I am so not ready to be thinking about marriage. I�m not even serious about it! Wow, I am not going to get married for a long time.

�2. Strong family background. Remember, you don�t just marry him, you marry his whole family. While it would be ideal if he comes from a home where both parents are committed and healthy Christians, a person from a broken home or from a non-Christian home can also make a good mate. However, if you know he comes from a dysfunctional family, and all our families are somewhat dysfunctional, invest extra time in getting to know him to see if he understands how to have a healthy relationship.�

That is really good advice. Does Nate understand how to have a healthy, committed relationship? Not by a long shot! And yet he thought he was going to marry me...

�3. Financial responsibility. (Nate strikes out again.) If he�s going to be the financial provider for you and your children someday, he needs to know how to make money, budget that money, and save money. If he doesn�t have a savings account or a dime to his name, he may be Mr. Not Right Now. Be sure he gets his financial ducks in a row before you commit to him.

�4. Vision for the future. (Nate strikes out a third time! Poor guy.) Look for someone who has a general idea of God�s plan for his life, knows what he wants to do and where he wants to go, and has a logical plan for how to get there. Also be sure his vision is compatible with your own. (And keep in mind that you need to follow YOUR vision, too! Don�t give up a vision God has given you to follow his.)

�5. Physical attractiveness. Notice that this falls at the bottom of our list, but it is on the list nonetheless. While it's completely unimportant that your Mr. Right look like some jock or celebrity, it is vital that he appeals to you physically. You will not want to give your body frequently to a man you don�t find physically attractive, and it is neither wise nor loving to marry him if you feel this way.�

Wow. That was a shocking piece of advice to hear pertaining to marriage. I have never heard something like that before! It makes sense, but it's so different than what I have had pounded into my head about relationships for the last 6 years, I can't quite comprehend it yet.

That was one heck of a good list of what to look for in a husband.

"How do I know if it's real love?
"This question reflects the wrong belief that love is a feeling. Love is not a feeling. It is a commitment."

Well... Then, how do I know if I should marry someone? (Reflects on list.) Well, then how do I know if I should marry? (Reflects on beginning of chapter.)

From the beginning of the chapter:

"When you've gotten to know a young man well enough to appreciate him as a friend and love him as a boyfriend, and you have decided that he is a good match for you, then you enter the next season. (Ahh...) You've probably been dreaming of marriage and motherhood before this time (that's me right now), but up until this point, your potential groom has had a blank face in these healthy fantasies."

Wow.
{laughing} I realize how far away from that point I am. Wow. The idea of getting there, to that point, makes me giddy, but I know I have such a long ways to run before I reach it! My goodness. A head full of dreams... That's where I am right now. And I guess it's all right. :)

Father, thank You for making it okay for girls to dream of marriage and motherhood. Thank You for the joy of the idea of finally meeting Mr. Right. Most of all, thank You for guiding me and showing me I'm not ready yet. That's what I need, Lord; You knew it all a long, and I just thank You. I love You, Jesus.

So back to "How do I know it's love?", the illegitimate question. Ethridge says, "If your commitment is conditional, it is not love." So, 'I'm committed to you if...' is NOT love. Love is UNconditional.

"How can I protect love?
"Once you've found a potential Mr. Right and have entered the commitment season, you can do three thigns to enhance romance instead of ruining it:
"1. Respect the fact that he has a life apart from you (!). Don't expect him to spend all of his free time catering to your emotional needs. (I struck out there.) Encourage him to pursue his own hobbies and spend time with his other close friends, and you do the same. Then when he comes around to spend time with you, you'll know it's because he wants to, not because he feels like he has to."

Good, good, good! That is one of the best pieces of advice I've heard on dating my entire dating life! (LOL, all... 3 years of it.)

"2. Let him lead. One of the fastest ways you can get a guy to stop pursuing you is by rushing him into a commitment he's not ready to make. If he's not ready to commit to marriage, he may simply need more time. Respect the fact that he's nto ready and be patient, or move on to explore the possibility that there is a different Mr. Right out there for you.
"3. Practice delayed gratification by not living together. Many young women attempt to secure their relationship with a guy by becoming sexual with him, thinking that if she gives him (what his animal instinct wants) her body, he'll never leave. Don't be fooled."

AMEN.

"Don't miss the ultimate Mr. Right.
"In closing this discussion, don't forget that there's a Mr. Right who longs for you attention and affection, who stands ready to engage in a more passionate relationship than you could ever imagine. While you are single, won't you take advantage of every possible opportunity to bask in the incomparable love of Jesus Christ?"

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