(Sorry, Eowyn and Marisa.) I'm sick of hearing about dating relationships and marriage. Yay for Bekah--she's okay somehow. But I'm sick of Marisa's, Eowyn's, Elizabeth's, everybody's perfect love stories. I don�t want to hear if Chesney, Tyne and Ame get engaged. I�d rather hear from girls like me who haven�t found that perfect guy--or any guy--yet and don�t see that possibility coming up in the near future.

I Just Want To Be Happy--Like You

Questions pry my mind as I try to shut them out.
Thoughts fill my head when I want them out.
Concerns about love and sex and dating--
I don�t want them there; they�re too aggravating.
"Engaged!" "Engaged!" "We�re engaged too!"
Too young! Too young! Yet what can I do?
I sit and stare and pretend to be glad.
Did you see how blank that smile was I had?
It�s cruel to be unhappy when friends� dreams come true
As I�m sitting here wishing mine would too!
But there�s all this fear and doubt inside.
Do you have any idea what worries I hide?
I think too much; I know that, of course.
Most of it comes from my own remorse.
I had one relationship, it crashed with a bang,
And I wish I could tell my old heart to go hang.
It�s still got emotional ties to the guy
I left brokenhearted by the roadside to cry.
It�s not that I�m tragically grieving the loss
Of the boy; it�s not him that I can�t seem to cross
Off my mind; it�s the mem�ry of mistakes I made.
A few, yet too many; I feel I�ll never be bade
Forgiveness.

The worries from the past haunt my mind in the now.
It rubs off when I see other girls wond�ring how
They can live without the guys they have met.
I say, �Can�t you see? You can�t get married yet!�
Am I stupid? Am I wrong? Am I sad? Am I bitter?
Is there an excuse for a overanxious, �Consider!�?

I wish I knew what to do.
I wish I knew what to say.
I wish I knew how to act.
I wish I knew what to pray

Can I still be a friend yet profess my concern?
Does it make sense if I tell them what I had to learn?
No.
It�s self-justification, it�s distraught calculation,
It�s worries and frets and, frankly, desperation.
I bet what I want is when the crud hits the fan,
I�m right and you�re wrong, and so much for your man.
That�s what I mean by self-justification--
A way to comfort myself in face of others� elation.

Cruelty again--I�m turning out very mean...
I�m not!
I�m just a sad, lonely girl on the dating scene.
It�s not that I hate men or hate love or hate you;
I�m just sad and I want to be happy--like you.

-Stephanie

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