I got back today from our sophomore class retreat. We went to the mountains... There was tons of snow (three and a half feet, and the drifts were easily six feet and higher), and it was simply gorgeous up there. There were snow sculptures in town. There was a frozen lake that a few of my friends and I walked quite a ways across. It was probably the scariest, most awesome thing I've ever done. :D We wanted to walk all the way across and back, but the leaders in our group called us back. With good reason, I suppose... Had we fallen through the ice, they wouldn't have been able to get out to us fast enough. We didn't have snowmobiles or anything.

Anyway... We went sledding on Saturday. It was a lot of fun, until I whacked my head pretty hard on the ice-snow going down a run. I'm okay--I know who I am and everything, LOL. I didn't do anymore sledding after that though. When I felt well enough, I strapped on some snowshoes and tramped around taking pictures. It was awesome. I'd always wanted to try snowshoeing! It was neat how I only sunk a couple inches into the snow instead of, like, two feet into it, LOL. But really, the sinking into the snow was pretty cool anyway. I NEVER get to see snow like that! The most my hometown ever got was one and a half feet, and I'm pretty sure it was all gone by the next day. That's only happened once in the entire 18 1/2 years I've lived there. Every other winter we got... Oh... Maybe two inches one day. Then it always melts.

Umm, in a word, I LOVE SNOW! Now I can move on. :)

Yesterday night we had a bonfire. After some singing, Nick, our unofficial student leader, led us into an activity that we did in Mississippi around that bonfire. Standing in our circle, watching the fire, we were given the opportunity to say something we appreciated about someone in the circle. There was no order to it. Everyone could say what they pleased to whomever they pleased whenever they felt moved to say it. Nearly every person spoke up; some spoke up more than once. Several people mentioned my lovely roomie, who never ever has a bad day. I have never seen her have a bad day, and I live with her. I've seen her frustrated and I've seen her stressed--but, as Lance said, "she was still smiling." :D

Two people said something about me. One of them was Liz. Yeah, Liz... I didn't hear much past, "I'd like to say something to Stephanie"; I started crying right there. But she said something along the lines of, "We've been friends forever; she's always been there and supported me in whatever I do." :') The same thing happened with Jackie and Sally... Jackie said something about Sally; they've also been best friends for a really long time, and there were definitely tears standing in Sally's beautiful eyes, reflecting the firelight. There's just something about old friends--friends who have seen you through absolutely everything and still love you. You just don't forget them. Ever.

Later on, after somebody had said something about Liz, I was able to get myself together enough to thank both Jen and Liz and "anyone else who's seen me through a temper tantrum or a stressful day." I didn't see Liz's face; I somehow couldn't get myself to look at her at all while she was talking or I was talking. Jenny looked like she might cry and said, "I love you, Stephanie."

I miss Liz like no other. I just can't tell her. I want her to know but the words just refuse to come out when I see her and am thinking of how little we've seen of each other for the last four years. And I know friends grow apart some and move on. And I know Liz and I will never, ever forget each other. Sometimes I feel like there's a gigantic hole in my life where she used to be. I don't know what to do about it. I could attempt to make our friendship what it used to be. Would it work? No, I don't think so... Too much has happened. We're not the same anymore. I think I'll just have to cling to her parents so I'm still a part of her life. They haven't changed since I've known them; they're past the changing stage.

I wonder...if I need to go to Elizabeth and say something like that. Cry there in front of her. Tell her how I feel and stop trying to hide behind this "everything's fine" mask.

---

I did. I went and talked to Elizabeth. I cried. I told her how I feel. She understood. I feel like a piece of my life has finally fallen back into place.

And it rained. Just a light sprinkle, but it was rain, the beginning of hope.

Spring is coming.

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