I Got Myself In Trouble

I got myself in trouble.
I thought I'd be okay.
But I let my fancy fencework drop
And fate came into play.

It took me long enough this time,
That much I'll say is true;
But nonetheless--I did my best--
My heart ran after you.

Now time has changed and rearranged;
It feels the same no more.
I'll just be ailing and reveiling
For some months--no more.

It was fun to talk to you;
I enjoyed it while it was,
And while I'm sad it's over now,
I know that I'm the cause.

This is turning into a sad, depressing poem. It wasn't supposed to be... I was kind of hoping for a more lighthearted approach. But that sometimes happens--writing poems to my feelings makes those feelings deepen, not dissipate.

Well anyway. Maybe I can end it in some less depressing way.

I got myself in trouble
When I started on this lane;
Just call it after LOTR:
Call it Stephanie's Bane.

LOL. I don't even like LOTR that much. ::listens to scandalized gasps going up:: That's a shabby ending, but it's not that great of a poem anyway. I'll probably revise it in the future.

I wonder why I never learn? Relationships end, no matter what context they're in. Nothing comes out of crushes from afar. If I'd only not hold guys at an arm's length... But it's just that I'm afraid if I ever let a guy know I have feelings for him, things will get messy and it'll end really badly.

I'll get over it. I know I will; I always do. Liz can testify to that. :) But when, God, when will I not get over it? When will there be a time where I don't have to get over it?

And Julie says it's because I keep guys at an arm's length. I think by now I won't know how to do otherwise. So I hope God works a miracle. I wonder what it'll take? To me, it seems like it would take a complete about-face as far as my personality goes, since I'm naturally shy and afraid.

Oh, good grief. Why am I thinking so much about this? I need to move on.

Oh... I just learned something: It's not that I always keep guys at an arm's length. No, that'd be a better description of some of my friends. But I keep all guys at an arm's length until I find one guy I develop an attraction to, and then I give my heart away pretty quickly.

And then he gets a girlfriend or whatever and I'm hurt, but he nver knew I liked him in the first place. Good grief.

Life can be such a mess.

-Stephanie

P.S. I'm afraid I don't have the moxie to admit who it is I've been writing about. But it isn't Nate, just so y'all know.

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