I got something today. Well, I don't know that I completely believe it yet, but it seems to make sense so far... And it takes a lot of pressure off me, and off anyone else who might identify with me. From prayer journal:

...I guess boys have trouble with girls in this respect. Girls are impatient and ready for commitment long before guys are. I guess that's something I'll need to remember in my interactions with guys in the future. I mean, do I really want to settle down now? Do I really want to be tied to one guy now? I have a lot of life left to live before then!

There's still a nagging doubt. What if I miss out? What if, in my desire for freedom, I lose the guy I could've caught? Hm. God, I guess that's not up to me. That's out of my control.

Thereafter I thought about what I'd written--what God told me--for a few minutes. And suddenly I wanted to talk to my mom. I wanted to ask her something.

"Mom? Do you think it's up to girls to find the guy they want?"

"Well, no," said my mom. "There's the people who say that there is ONE guy out there for us, but I don't think so. I agree more with the people who say there are several guys out there that we could choose and would be good for us. I don't think there's one guy, and we have to find them. I think there's several guys out there who we would 'go with.'"

I couldn't believe it. I felt...glad. I was glad I didn't have to continue this quest for the perfect guy.

"So it kind of ties into the no one's perfect thing," said I. "I mean, I'm not going to find a guy who is perfect for me in every way, because he's not out there."

"No," Mom said. "Everyone clashes in some areas."

I turned this over in my head. "Wow. I have really never thought of it this way! I mean--wow. This is totally new to me. See, I was looking for someone perfect... But I'm not going to find him... Because everyone's got faults; no one is perfect, [not even the guy you're supposed to marry]."

"Yeah."

"So... I could've married Nate." It was true. I broke up with him because he wasn't perfect, even though we got along fine. But now I knew that marriage wasn't about finding that perfect guy. It was about learning to love a guy in spite of his faults. However...

"Well... There's such a thing as a person not being right for you... There's the basic things you need to have in a guy...," Mom tried to fix her statement. I just smiled. I knew what she meant.

"There's such a thing as a guy having too many faults... For me, I mean. Too many to get along with." I'll want to marry a guy I can at least like, in other words. That sounds kind of harsh... What I would not have been able to live with, I'm guessing, is Nate's lack of responsibility. I'm lazy enough; I don't need someone like me in that respect.

I just thought of something else. While a good guy could fill in the areas I'm lacking, he might have faults in other areas. For example, a guy could be a better housekeeper than I am, but not very sensitive. But I could fill in his "missing pieces", so to speak.

This is all very interesting.

So I need to update my list of what I'm looking for in a guy--strip it down to the basics and throw away the idealistics stuff. Hm.

Since I've been thinking for so long that I have to find a perfect guy, it's going to take a while for me to open my mind up to the possibility of accepting a guy who's not perfect. In the meantime I guess I'll just try to get to know guys better in general... Oy. That's going to be hard, too. :P

Guys: This doesn't just apply to girls. Whatever constitutes your "perfect" girl, you are not going to find her, and it is not your duty to search for her. It is your duty to search for someone you can get along with--someone who has faults your strengths make up for, and someone whose strengths can make up for your faults. That's the kind of girl you're looking for.

And that's the kind of guy we girls should be looking for.

-Stephanie