I've been feeling lately as if I'm praying to the ceiling. That's what I wrote Gene the chapel card about in this entry and what I talked to him about at breakfast that day. He told me that usually people feel like their prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling when they come to prayer with requests and expectations for an answer. So I asked him what to do to not come to prayer with expectations. He told me to just talk to God...which made half sense to me. I know what he means. Just talk to God--just chatter on. What didn't make sense is that I was supposed to do that. He had been using the analogy of two friends getting to know each other. They just talk. People aren't friends just to get something from them. Where the analogy breaks down, though (as Gene said it), is that God doesn't talk back. That's what's a little hard for me to...be okay with. Especially because when I make conversation, most of the time I just bounce off whatever the other person says. When left to myself to come up with things to say, all I can say are things that have to do with me--a self-centeredness that I have been swamped in for the last year or so. I guess it's part of this self-discovery I'm going through, but, seriously, it gets old. I'm getting tired of it. I need to hang around people more so I can think about them instead.

-Stephanie

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