I have the opportunity to go backpacking across Europe next summer.

Why am I hesitant to jump at it?

I talked to my mom, who said, "You're completely on your own for this one." Completely on my own to raise $3000.

I don't blame Mom for putting me on my own. The trip isn't for anything school-related. It's just for fun. And she's paid for a lot of things for me in the past.

If I don't take this opportunity now, will another one rise up in the future?

Mom says that's something you do after you graduate. Kevin and Deanna, the two other people going on this trip, are seniors. (Kevin will be graduating at the end of next December, though). I'm a junior and I may not even be graduating at the end of next year.

I only want to go to England and France, and probably Italy. Kevin's going to England, France, Spain, Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Italy and Greece. The trip is a month long... June 1 to July 7... "A month when I could be making money," said both Keving and my mom. And I have to decide if I'm going by October 13.

$3000. I make $140 a month working at the library, and I may even have to cut down my hours to 6, because of field experience, which I will be starting soon.

I don't know what to do.

Money's not even the biggest thing holding me back; it's the commitment. I've never committed to anything a year in advance in my life. I wasn't even committed to going to college until about 2 weeks before it started. I don't like committing to things so far in advance because I don't know what will pop up that I will miss out on because of a commitment to something else... Like my major. What if I discover that I want to be an artist or a novelist instead of an English teacher?

I wish I had a strong feeling either way--go or not go. I've wanted to go to England and France since high school, but it hasn't been this, like, flaming desire, no turning back, I MUST go kind of feeling. I'd like to go. But it takes work to go. Work I'm not sure if I even want to do, much less can do.

I never learned to work hard for things I wanted... But that's another story.

What to do, what to do...

-Stephanie

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