I'm disgusted at people. Do I look like a child molester or a terrorist? Honestly, just because I don't check in the office to drop off one sheet of paper for my ESL field experience teacher...... RAWR. I hope that lady marched into my Mrs. M's room after I left and demanded to know why I was spending a grand total of THIRTY SECONDS in her room without even checking in at the office. I know Mrs. M would just laugh at her.

Okay. I'm calm. I'm going to write about happy stuff.

I haven't written about the Homecoming banquet yet, and although that's quite over, I promised I would. Ryan came knocking at my door at 6:50 sharp in his tuxedo. I was in my beautiful purple gown with my hair all done up and make-up freshly put on and I felt lovely as I answered the door. He surprised me with a corsage for my wrist. I invited him in, as I was "cleaning up a few things" (namely, my make-up all strewn across our sink). I was ready shortly and he escorted me out to his car. Things started getting awkward then, when he tried to open all the doors for me. I confessed to him, blushing like mad, "I'm not used to treatment like this, so I'm sorry..." He said not to worry about it. He started the car and some rock station startled me, but then he changed it to a station that was playing soft JAZZ music. :D

We picked up Chad and his girlfriend Leah from the sophomore girls' dorm. I was relieved then. Chad is so wacky and funny and he and Ryan laughed and talked and Leah and I talked, too. That was a lot more comfortable for me than trying to converse with a guy I barely knew. I paid attention to the things he said and the way he said them, though, to pick up clues on how to talk to him.

When we got to the church, we put on our masks. I had to take my glasses off in order to wear the mask, so I was blind. I was doubly blinded because wearing a mask blocks out your peripheral vision and your view of the floor. I felt like I was going to teeter over! When we got to the door, Ryan said, "Shall we?" and lifted up his arm for me to link with, but I didn't see that. Yeah. Embarrassing. My face burned again, but Ryan was understanding.

We sat at one of the nearest tables to the door, and Ryan asked me (this is one of my favorite things he said), "Are you going to be warm enough by the door?" Aww!! Oy, Ryan makes a good date... He's SUCH a gentleman. I think he would've even offered his jacket to me, had I not had one. But I'm too practical to not go outside in a fancy gown without something to cover me, whether it's fashionable or not, and I just told Ryan, "Oh, if I get cold, I'll just put on my sweater." Ryan's a good date--me, now, that's debatable. LOL. Someone tell me, do guys want to play the gentleman or would they rather the girl do things for herself? That's something I really wonder about now.

A jazz combo was playing for us up on stage, and one of the first things Ryan said was, "Oh, how can they play this kind of music and not let us dance??" (It's a Nazarene thing; don't ask. :P ) That made me worry. Dance? I am not in general a touchy-feely person, and dancing requires touching a guy. That scares the living daylights out of me.

Anyway, two of my girlfriends who had come together came and sat with us. They came together because they just didn't get asked and wanted to go. That's what I did last year--came with a bunch of girls. :) Chad and Leah sat with us and so did two people I didn't really know. I got more comfortable as the night went on. Perhaps the time that things got awkward again was when we went and got pictures. We had to figure out how many pictures we were getting of me and Ryan and how many we were getting with Chad and Leah and how many funny poses and how many serious poses and with masks or without masks and when. In other words, lots of decisions to make! :) I helped out a little but mostly let Ryan decide. When it got weird was when we were doing our second not-serious pose with Chad and Leah. "Oh, I know!" Ryan said as we were deciding how to pose. "How do you feel about being dipped?" I'm an expert at going along with what everybody else says, so I just said, "Sure." But instantly I wondered, Um...Dipped? His hands on my sides? Um! I'm not sure I want to do this! "You'll have to show me how, though," I added with another blush. Gosh, I am SO awkward in social situations!

Ryan did show me how, and I kind of got a little freaked out having a guy's hands on my sides. I hope I didn't look like a complete idiot. I'm not real excited about seeing those pictures, though. :S

After the dinner and the crowning of the Homecoming royalty, the band started playing again, and Ryan asked me if I wanted to go up and socialize. As I said, I'm an expert at agreeing with everybody else's wishes. I went along with him up to the front. He socialized while I watched, basically.

And then people started dancing.

The administrators were gone, so several people--mostly girls with girls and guys with guys--started swing dancing to the band's music. I knew, I knew, I KNEW that Ryan wanted to join, and I knew, I knew, I KNEW I wouldn't do it if you offered comfort for the rest of my life. NO. No dancing! Not after all the awkward points of the night, and not after being dipped for a picture, and not with a guy I barely knew.

I knew he was going to ask me. And he did. On a slow song. Even more of a NO. I felt so. Horrible. Turning him down. But I couldn't do it. I just could not do it. Poor me. I felt horrible. Poor Ryan. I know he was disappointed.

And so I resorted to desperate measures. I told him, in complete honesty--I was not playing the gracious lady, I was being truthful! I told him: "You can dance with someone else if you want to. I really don't mind watching."

"Oh no, no," Ryan, ever the perfect gentleman (much to my dismay!!), said.

I felt like a horrible person. At least horrible at social events. :P I really would've much rather preferred him to dance with some other girl than for him to sit there because his date wouldn't dance with him. :(

Oy vey.

So that was the worst part of the night. But it gets better! Thankfully, it usually gets better. :)

We went to Kevin's house for an "after-banquet party" that he had put together at the last minute. He's good at that. :) It was so much fun. We played Telepictionary, Mafia and a game without a name. Ryan and I didn't have to be "together" anymore and I was much, much more comfortable with myself. My only disappointment was that I had decided to change out of my dress into normal clothes. I thought that's what everybody else was going to do... But everybody else showed up in their beautiful gowns. I didn't get to be beautiful with them! But it was all right. I still had on my jewelry, make-up and had my hair done up. Although that came out gradually during the party. The bobby pins were killing my head.

We stayed there till two in the morning. By the end I was absolutely dropping off to sleep. It was so fun, though. Everyone just talked and joked and laughed together and I felt really close to them all even without talking much. Seriously... Friendships should be about laughing and enjoying yourselves together. God knew what he was doing when he invented sleepy-eyed, late-night humor. :D

Ryan saw me falling asleep and asked me more than once, "Do you want to go?" So sweet!

"No," I told him happily. "Wait till the party's over and everyone starts leaving." I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay there with all the warmth and joy. It was perfect.

Soon everybody was falling asleep and someone took the first step and we broke our little party up for the night. Ryan took me home. He even walked me to the door. Not the door of my apartment--guys are only allowed in the girls' side till midnight. But we stopped outside the girls' area and talked about possibly going to see Casino Royale over the break.

What made my whole night was one of the last things Ryan said to me: "You looked really beautiful tonight."

Oh my goodness. Seriously, when a guy says that and means it, like Ryan did... You don't even know what that does to a girl's heart. It means SO MUCH. I felt like perhaps I'd just skipped the whole death part and floated off into heaven. :) I had very happy dreams that night.

We didn't end up going to see Casino Royale, and actually I haven't seen him since that night. But that night was enough. Just to be that happy for one night is worth, like, the entire world.

Good night.

-Stephanie

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Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

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Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

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