Well, it's spring, and you know what that means... Flowers, sunshine, green grass, fresh air, and...Ring by Spring Fever. New couples are popping up everywhere; old couples (and some new couples) are getting engaged right and left. I'll never understand why everyone gets so romance-happy in the springtime, even though I'm part of it myself.

I always thought I'd want to get engaged in the springtime, too, but maybe I don't... I'd probably question whether it was real or if it was just spring fever. :P I guess I'll see when I actually get to that point in life. Anyway... Poem apropos to the moment (that is a French phrase, by the way, and it is two words in French, even though English speakers have blended it into one):

Within my heart a garden grows,
Wild with violets and fragrant rose.
Bright daffodils line the narrow path;
My footsteps silent as I pass.
Sweet tulips nod their heads in rest;
I kneel in prayer to seek God's best.
For around my garden a fence stands firm
To guard my heart so I can learn
Who shall enter and who should wait
On the other side of my locked gate.
I clasp the key around my neck
And wonder if the time is yet.
If I unlocked the gate today,
Would you come in or run away?

I found this poem in a Christy Miller book years and years ago. It has never left me. I love the references to flowers, of course, but as I've gotten older, I understand the image of me locking a gate around my heart, too. I was thinking today, as I woke up from a nap, that my heart is full of my feelings and my feelings are a treasure trove or treasure chest that I protect with my life. Jeremiah calls the heart the "wellspring of life" and that we should guard it above all. I say AMEN.

I was thinking about this precious treasure I hold in my heart, how incredibly vulnerable it becomes and how intense I get trying to protect it when I'm in a romantic relationship. Nate mentioned this to me in that earth-shattering discussion we had--nearly two months ago now--and for the first time I admitted (to myself and him) that yes, it's true: I don't give anything away easily when my heart is involved.

It's so hard for me to open up and be honest when I'm protecting the thing dearest to me. I guess that's normal, but I know it's something that'll have to change a little. You can't have a one-way relationship and that includes one person telling all and the other keeping their mouth shut at all times. There's got to be give as well as take.

I guess that's just something I've been thinking about for a long time and I've just now got it out of my soul onto (digital) paper. I don't like to be vulnerable in any way, but especially with my feelings. I'm terrified of getting them hurt. Emotional pain lasts way longer than physical pain.

Anyway... I'm late for Love INC's Budget Night. I hope that I don't have to teach them a Bible lesson tonight; I don't have a thing prepared!

-Stephanie

previous || next

Miss Something?

Social Anxiety with Guys - February 07, 2024

Education Expo with an ADHD Kid - February 03, 2024

Lovely Church Experience - October 22, 2023

Seek Out Community in Christ - August 29, 2023

Grieving Lost Friendships - May 08, 2023