Fainting is a weird sensation. It's happened to me three times now and I still wonder at it.

About a week ago, I had been asleep for about an hour and a half when an unearthly howl woke me up. Fear and panic pierced my heart at the sound, but I had been deep asleep and was too groggy to get myself up right away and run out. I felt blindly around for my PJ pants as I sat at the edge of my bed and listened to Mom's feet pounding the carpet of our living room. My half-asleep mind finally grasped that it was Walnut, my dog, making the horrendous noise, but my heart rate was still up from it.

I finally found my pants and stepped to my doorway. "What's going on?" I asked sleepily.

"Walnut got her nail caught in the cupboard door. Didn't you hear the noise?" Mom's voice sounded like she had been a little panicked, too.

"Yeah, I did," was all I could articulate. She was asking me what took me so long to get out here, but my head was still foggy and I couldn't get it around words that would make an intelligible answer.

Then all of a sudden I was reeling. I thought I'd gotten up too fast and grabbed the side of the door frame to let it pass.

Next thing I knew, black was swirling with black and something was looming over me. I was struck with terror and beat uselessly against it, hearing vague sounds like far-off screaming.

"Steph! Steph!" Mom was screaming.

Instantly the terror died and all that was left was a dizzy, foggy, clouded feeling that something had happened.

"Mom?" I mumbled through a mouthful of cotton.

"You fainted again!" she said, in almost an accusing tone. I'd scared her.

Things began to get clearer. I could feel the complete whiteness of my face and groaned as I became aware of a slight aching in my head and a sharper one in my shoulder. I was still dizzy and knew I'd have to lay there a while.

"Man, didn't you feel it coming??" demanded Mom, still frenzied. "I just heard a thump and there you were on the ground..."

"Yeah, I did," I said in response to her question. "I felt really dizzy."

"Man! When you get dizzy like that, sit down! Did you hit your head?" She felt the back of my head.

"Yeah, I think I did," I said. "It aches a little. And my shoulder." I was starting to feel better. "Water would be good," I said. Mom hurried out and got me a glass. I could barely drink it because my stomach still felt nauseated.

"It came really fast," I told her. "I was dizzy only for, like, 2 seconds, and then next thing I know..." I described it a little, already forming in my head how I would write it in my diary. :)

Mom still looked scared out of her mind. Poor Mom! But even I realized the graveness of this fainting spell, unpreceded by a major dental surgery, as my last two had been.

"Man! There is no good reason I should've fainted this time," I marveled. "What the heck? Maybe it's my anemia.�

"Yeah," Mom said. "We never got that checked out, did we? We're going to have to do that."

Eventually I felt okay enough to get back into bed. "Crawl," Mom ordered me.

"Oh yeah!" I laughed. "Definitely!" There was no way I wanted to faint again! So I half-crawled, half-dragged myself back to bed.

Third faint. Two in one year. Definitely something I need to get checked out. Mom's worried about the money. She hasn't said so, but I can tell. Doctors are expensive. And I don't have a job yet. We'll see...

Well, that was purely for storytelling purposes, just so you know :) In the meantime, other news... I had an interview at a retail store today. I hate interviews. I would be totally, completely fine with them if I knew what sorts of answers they were looking for. Like in school. You find the right answers, spout 'em out and wham, you get an A. But I don't know what employers are looking for when they say, "Describe to me a time when you lacked a skill for something that needed to be accomplished. What was the skill?" That is way vague. A skill? What kind of skill? A physical skill, an intellectual skill, an interpersonal skill?? I have no idea!

And then that ugly question, "Why do you want to work here?" Um... Because you're hiring? Because it sounds easy? Today I came up with "new experience." ::rolls eyes:: I've never worked in retail before. I've worked at a pizza place and a library. So this is a new experience. Blah blah blah. Woo! Two points for me.

I don't mind the "Why should we hire you?� question. �Because I�m a hard worker� is a pretty white-bread but nevertheless useful answer. And in my case, it helps that it�s true. :) And I�m good with working under people. As long as I am told what to do, sweet. Hook me up.

Wow, I have been watching too many inner-city movies lately. :P Side note: "Take the Lead" is one of THE cleanest dancing movies I have ever seen. The acting is a little weak in my opinion, but the dancing is cool. And Antonio Banderas' accent is pretty awesome anyway. :D

I got some extra points with my refugee work stuff, too. I really, really do care about those refugees, and it was a GREAT experience for me and I want to go back. It's true, it's a useful thing to lever at a job interview like this one. But honestly... Talking about those refugees was the only time I smiled a real, genuine, peaceful smile in the whole interview. I wish I could have talked about them the entire time, but they would have thought I was pressing it too much. Saying, "Oh, I'm such a good person! Look what I do!" Ugh. I hate that.

That reminds me of another blurb in the newspaper of my life. (Again... I've been way too absorbed in my entertainment. :D I'm reading The Street Lawyer by John Grisham.) I'm visiting churches here, trying to find one I want to be a part of. I've only visited one so far. It's not my final destination, certainly. Nice church, but not what I'm looking for. I'll be doing some research in the phonebook. I'm trying nondenominational churches right now, but I know even nondenominational churches can have that "You're wrong if you don't believe the way we do!" mentality. ::sigh:: Maybe an interdenominational church would be a better option?

Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) says that the Unitarian church is one of the most loving, accepting churches he has ever seen. He also says, however, that he doesn't care for their flaky theology. I know better than to attend there... But I would LOVE to find a church so loving and accepting. Maybe I'll just have to start attending Donald Miller's church.

It would be very cool to meet him. :D

Anyway, that's all my news for now. Stay tuned. ;) Thanks for all your prayer and support and encouragement. You guys are some of the nearest friends I have right now, ironic as that may be. :D

-Stephanie

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