Song lyrics time! This song has been stuck in my head for days. It's off the CD Steve gave me.

I Wanna Be With You
Avalon

I wanna tell you
Things I've never told, and take you into
The center of my soul, I wanna run through
The fields of your imagination

Under the blue skies
You're the golden sun, the light in my eyes
I know you are the one, see where my heart lies
As you lead me through the shades of gray
Along the way
I will hang on every single word you say
And never live to see my dying day
I'd walk the aisle
A million miles
To see you smile

I wanna know how it feels to believe in something
Ride on the heels of a good thing coming
Run to the one thing I know is something true
I wanna be with you

Want you to show me
The wonder of the Word, want you to hear me
Like no one's ever heard you have and hold me
Leading me out of the darkest night
Into the light
And never has it ever been so right
And from this moment on you are the sight
I can't erase
I close my eyes
I see your face

I wanna know how it feels to believe in something
Ride on the heels of a good thing coming
Run to the one thing I know is something true
I wanna be with you

Every day, every night
For the rest of my life
Wanna be where you are
'Cause you're never very far away
I always wanna be with you

I wanna tell you things I've never told
And take you into
The center of my soul, I wanna run through
The fields of your imagination

I wanna know how it feels to believe in something
Ride on the heels of a good thing coming
Run to the one thing I know is something true

I wanna live my life like I hold the meaning
Deep inside my soul, I hear the music screaming
Eyes wide open, I'm awake and dreaming, too...
I wanna be with you

This song is actually a song about wanting to be with God, but after an incredibly romantic date it stood out to me as an incredibly romantic song, of course, as did all the others, LOL, regardless whether they could even be remotely about romance. :)

Anyway... I am doing better with the Stephen stuff. I was NOT doing very well for a while with it. Mass confusion and tempestuous emotions... Never in a person's life do they experience such contradicting feelings as when members of the opposite sex are involved. but I talked it out with a couple of friends, and that helped a ton. I think I did the right thing when I chose not to get into a relationship with him, but as I imagine seeing him again whenever I get back home, my will to take it slow vanishes like an ice cube on an August day. But I'm not freaking out about it anymore, and that will help a LOT. Plus I have very wise friends who I can talk to and who will keep me in check if it seems like I'm letting my emotions run me over.

On another note, so I don't bore you guys to tears with my blabber about boys, I only have one class today. It got over at 11:00, so I've been here in my apartment since then. My roommates aren't here and it feels pretty lonely without them. I have never spent this long without being around people! I'm going to troop down to the campus soon and do my homework in some more open, public place. I am not going to become a hermit this year like I was last year.

Oh yeah--one more snippet about guys. Sorry. :) But this is different. I saw Kevin today. I saw him yesterday too, but today I was forced to interact with him. It was just passing on the sidewalk. Surprisingly, he greeted me as if nothing were different. I was too uncertain about what to do to give him any more than a quick, noncommital "Hi" back. I don't know how he took it, but I guarantee you I'll find out soon, one way or another. Kevin can't help but talk about the drama he's involved with. Kinda like me? :)

Anyway, the point of saying that was, during the quick "Hi" I felt a tumult of emotions. But as I walked back to my apartment, the easy "Hi, Steph" that he gave me instilled peace into my soul. And I forgave him. Just like that.

I didn't want to forgive him. I didn't want to give him any more second chances. I wanted to be the one to steel myself against ever being friends with him again so he'd learn his lesson and grow up. But when I saw him today and he said hi to me with that laid-back attitude he always has, I couldn't stay mad at him. He's a charmer, for sure. I guess I'm not the one to exact God's revenge on him for his treatment of the female population after all. :) That kinda annoys me, that I can't be that steel-hearted and teach him a lesson... But it feels better to be nonchalant with him rather than bitter against him.

He has a girlfriend now, by the way, which absolutely blows my mind. Maybe he's finally settled down and has finished with this flitting about from girl to girl.

Well...I'll believe that when I see it. :) I don't give him THAT much credit quite yet. But, sigh, I've given him yet another chance to prove himself to me. I suppose that's what Jesus would do after all. I don't know. Jesus wasn't a girl. :P

-Stephanie

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